The Conception Anomaly
by NoShoesNoShirtNoSheldon
Summary: Howard never expected waking up next to his best friend would have so many consequences. MPREG, slash. Howard/Raj. REVIVED.
1. Chapter 1

1**WARNING: contains mpreg and slashy goodness. If you don't like it, go away.**

**Hey guys! I couldn't stay away from writing for even a few days. I've been wanting to write an mpreg story for a while now. I wanted to put it in Experiment but I didn't want to spring it on anyone who doesn't like that kind of thing, so I with held. **

**Here it is, hope you guys enjoy!**

Xoxoxo

Howard Wolowitz had a problem. The kind of problem he would do anything to be rid of, pay anything to make it go away. But the source of the problem wasn't going anywhere, and it slumbered on peacefully beside him, with it's arm around his waist. Howard's head was pounding and the taste of dead animal lingered in his mouth. Swiping his tongue over his teeth, he was disgusting to find they felt furry.

He had no idea what to do, and in the end, he shoved the arm off him and flung himself from the bed. His leg got caught in the sheets and he tumbled, landing, completely naked, on his arse on the cold wooden floor. He covered himself best he could, glancing up at the bed and saw Raj had sat up, looking at him sleepily. The sleepiness soon vanished, and Raj's eyes widened, no doubt in horror at what had happened.

'Oh, god,' the Indian croaked hoarsely, covering his eyes as Howard stood, snatching his underwear from the ground and hurriedly grabbing some clothes from Raj's dresser. They weren't his usual tight jeans and turtle neck and probably wouldn't fit very well, but at that moment, Howard didn't give a damn. He almost ran into the bathroom adjacent to the bedroom and slammed the door behind him. Raj, meanwhile, was recovering from the shock of waking up in bed beside his best friend and was searching his closet for clean clothes. By the time he had stumbled into cargo pants and pulled on a t-shirt, Howard emerged from the bathroom, dressed in sweat pants that were thankfully tight around the waist but swamped the rest of his legs, and a white shirt. They stared at each other, the awkward silence growing, until Howard's phone buzzed loudly from a pile of clothes on the floor.

Howard crouched down and picked up an item of clothing, wrinkling his nose in disgust. It was the jeans he'd been wearing last night, and they were covered in spilled alcohol and mud. He vaguely remembered he and Raj had wrestled drunkenly in a park on their way home for fun, and knew that was where the mud came from. He slid his phone out of the pocket and found it unmarred. He flipped it open and held it to his ear. 'Hello?'

'_WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?_' his mother screeched on the other end, causing the pain in Howard's head to go up a notch. Raj watched silently from across the room. Howard's mother was yelling so loudly he could hear every word perfectly.

'I'm sorry, Ma,' Howard sighed, running a hand through his hair. He grimaced when he found dried mud caked through it. 'I went out with Raj for the Saturday night special and we got a little drunk. I wasn't okay to drive so I crashed at his place.'

'_AND YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME TO CALL YOUR POOR MOTHER WHO WAS SICK WITH WORRY?_' came the shouted reply, and Howard ended up holding the phone at arms length as the woman continued to rant. She told him he better be thankful Raj was such a good friend to take care of him, and that he better get home right now or there would be consequences. She ended it with a shrieked, '_YOU HEAR THAT? RIGHT NOW!_'

'Yes, Ma,' Howard replied quietly and the woman hung up. He looked up at Raj, biting his lip at the awkwardness that hung between them. 'I have to go.'

'I heard,' the tiniest smile appeared. 'You can leave your clothes here, I'll get them washed for you.'

'Thanks, buddy,' Howard grabbed his keys for his Vespa and shoved them in his pocket along with his phone, standing up. His hang over was killing him, but he did his best to act normally. Raj followed him out into the living room and picked up Howard's helmet resting on the table. He handed it over, and they both flinched when their fingers brushed. 'I'll see you at work tomorrow.'

'Sure,' Raj managed, not looking him in the eye. Howard sighed and left. He found his Vespa where he'd parked it the night before and climbed on. It was a hellish ride home. Them wind roaring in his ears did nothing to help his headache and he couldn't go too fast without feeling like he was going to throw up.

His mother lectured him for around ten minutes when he finally got home. It could have been longer but she took pity on him and told him to go grab a shower. After he'd stripped Raj's clothes off him (noticing with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that they smelled of him), he climbed into the shower and almost groaned at the pleasure of feeling the hot water pounding on his back. It took a long time to get his hair clean, and he kept finding mud in the weirdest places. Eventually he climbed out and dried himself, dressing in his pyjamas. He collapsed onto his bed and fell asleep almost immediately.

Xoxoxo

The next day, Howard became aware of something he'd missed before. His arse hurt like hell. Each throb of pain confirmed what he already knew- he'd had sex with his best friend. His male best friend. And he hadn't even been on top.

With a groan of resignation, he got dressed in his usual brightly coloured jeans and turtleneck, stubbornly ignoring both the ache in his lower regions and Raj's clothes he'd discarded carelessly before he had taken his shower. His mother wasn't up yet, so he made himself a couple of sandwiches and tore into them ravenously as he got prepared for work. He didn't want to face Raj. Hell, at that moment he didn't want to face anyone. But he was behind with his work and he needed to finish it. No way could he have a sick day. He was thankful, however, that the pain wasn't too bad. He'd heard that people walked funny after sex with another male but his gait was as normal as ever.

He carefully avoided Raj right up until lunch. He was sitting in the cafeteria by himself, pushing his food around on his plate with his fork when Raj sat down opposite him. They looked at each other for a few moments, before the Indian greeted him with a soft, 'hey.'

'Hey,' Howard returned, looking back down at his food. He hated himself for what they had done. Raj was the most loyal and caring friend he'd ever had and they'd screwed it up royally. There was no way they could go back to the way things were with this hanging over their heads.

Sheldon and Leonard joined them a few moments later, and suddenly the awkward silence was gone, instead filled with Sheldon's excited chatter as he told them all about his new breakthrough in something or another. Normally Howard would listen but he just couldn't be bothered. He was still sore and tired, and to top it all off, seeing Raj avoid talking to him drained him emotionally as well. The Indian glanced over at him every now and again, but didn't say anything.

'You okay, Howard?' Leonard asked after a while, pointing at him with his fork. 'You seem a little out of it today.'

'I'm just tired,' he shrugged and stared down at his food, hoping they'd accept his excuse and move on. He didn't want to talk, he just wanted to go home and curl up in bed.

'Well, alright...' Leonard turned to Raj. 'How was the Saturday night special you two were talking about? You guys have fun?'

'Uh,' Raj's eyes flittered over to Howard for a few seconds. 'Sure, it was fun.'

Howard felt sick. He pushed his food away and stood up, causing the other guys to look at him in confusion. 'Sorry, I have a lot of work to finish. I'll see you guys later,' he muttered before hurrying away.

After a few hours Howard was up to date with everything but he hesitated as he went to leave his office. Usually on a Monday he would chill out at Raj's place after work and play a little xbox, but there was no way he wanted to be alone with him. Raj hadn't mentioned anything about him coming over, so Howard wasn't sure if he'd be expecting him to show up or not. Eventually he decided to just go home, and if Raj said anything, he'd say he hadn't been feeling well.

Xoxoxo

Two weeks later, Howard awoke to the knowledge he was about to throw up. Clapping his hand over his mouth, he scrambled out of bed and hurried down the hallway, making it to the toilet just in time before he emptied the contents of his stomach into it. It took him a few minutes before he felt safe enough to flush the toilet and sit on the ground beside it without fearing he might puke again. He leant his head against the wall and just sat there, feeling horrible. His mother appeared in the doorway and upon seeing him, knelt beside him, pressing her palm to his forehead.

'Howard! Are you not feeling alright?' she tisked softly. 'You don't have a temperature. Did you eat something dodgy for lunch?'

It was only on these rare occasions, when Howard was sick or injured, that his mother lowered her voice. Even when they were in the same room she was louder than necessary. He leant into her touch, shivering at the cool air in the bathroom. His arse was sore from sitting on the cold tiled floor, and he was still sweaty from the exertion of emptying his stomach. 'I dunno, maybe,' he mumbled softly. From the clock his mother insisted they keep in the bathroom, he knew it was around three in the morning, and he cursed silently. For the past week he'd been feeling exhausted and run down, and now he was missing out on his precious sleep. 'Maybe I have the flu.'

His mother wiped his face with a damp cloth and disappeared for a few moments. She came back holding a plastic container, which she handed to him. 'Take this in case you throw up again. Now go back to bed, its late and you need sleep. I'll call your school in the morning and tell them you can't go,' she left him no room to argue as she gently pushed him towards his bedroom before ambling to her own and shutting the door.

Howard climbed back into bed and set the plastic container on the bedside table. He curled into a little ball and fought off the feelings of nausea. Trying to distract himself, he grabbed his phone and flipped it open, intending to play some kind of game, but he ended up going through his pictures instead. Some of them were of women who he'd found particularly attractive, but most of them were of himself and Raj. He felt even worse than before at seeing the man's face. They'd been avoiding each other ever since that night and they barely ever spoke. Leonard and Sheldon had no idea what was going on, and were baffled as to why their invitations to hang out as a foursome were constantly denied. Leonard had asked Howard what was going on many times, but he'd always changed the subject. He assumed Raj did the same thing.

Worst of all, he found he missed his best friend. He missed the times they spent together. Playing xbox into the wee hours of the morning and getting completely wasted at bars. Howard should have known it would happen. It was obvious Raj was attracted to men, what with the things he said that sounded pretty gay. And Howard, although he had previously thought himself to be completely straight, couldn't help but love Raj. Maybe not in a romantic way, but the attraction was there, simmering under the surface. It wasn't like he wanted to get married to the guy or anything, but by god he missed him.

He drifted in and out of sleep after he put his phone away. Everytime he woke, he'd throw up and have to get up and rinse the container out in the bathroom sink. It was a messy business, but he didn't want to wake his mother up again. But by the time his alarm went off at seven in the morning, he felt okay enough. Still a little nauseous but not enough to puke again. He began to get ready for work but his mother yelled at him to stay in bed and get some rest. Resigned, he slid back into bed and fell asleep again.

He was woken up around eleven by his phone going off. He reached out for it and saw Raj had texted, asking why he wasn't at work. Howard was surprised, it was the first time Raj had texted him since the night they slept together. It wasn't a surprise, however, that Raj realized he wasn't at work. With Sheldon and Leonard, he didn't see them until lunch so, in theory, they shouldn't know he wasn't there, at least not yet. But Raj always arrived after Howard, and always parked right next to his Vespa, so he'd notice if it was missing. He typed in a cold, short reply, then shut his phone before he sent it. After a few minutes he tried again, but couldn't send it. He sighed and put it down on the pillow next to him and stared up at the ceiling. He had no idea what to say anymore. Before the one night stand, he knew exactly what to say when it came to Raj. Now too many thoughts and worries got in his way.

Howard rubbed his temples as a headache started to form. He didn't want to deal with this right now. Gathering his courage, he grabbed his phone, typed out, _was sick several times throughout the night, Ma made me stay home_ and sent it before he could wimp out. There. It wasn't too cold, wasn't too warm. Howard sat up and went to go brush his teeth. After throwing up all night, they felt disgusting everytime he ran his tongue over them.

By the time he'd finished his morning routine and gotten dressed, Raj had texted back. _I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon._ It made Howard smile a little. It was the warmest they'd been towards each other in a while. He pocketed his phone and wandered out into the kitchen, where his mother was cooking something. He kissed her cheek as a greeting and she waved a knife threateningly. 'Now, don't you get me sick, Howard,' she warned, although she was wearing a small smile.

'I'm not sick, Ma,' Howard rolled his eyes. He took a painkiller and made himself a sandwich. 'I probably just had a tummy bug, I feel fine.'

'Are you still going over to play at your little friend's house after school lets out?' his mother asked, raising a brow.

Taking a couple of bites, Howard shrugged. He had planned to hang out with Leonard after work because he was getting bored just sitting at home playing video games by himself. He felt well enough to go, but Sheldon would probably be there and he would freak out if he knew Howard had been sick.

Maybe that was the sole reason he pulled his phone out and started to text Raj again, or maybe he just wanted to believe that. Either way, he had to ask. _Does Sheldon know I was sick?_

The reply came through in seconds, and that warmed him slightly. _No, why?_

_He'd freak out if he knew. Thanks._

_You're welcome._

He shoved his phone back in his pocket and looked at his mother. 'Yeah, I think I will.'

'When will you be going, then?' she asked as she put some kind of green vegetable into a pot full of water.

'Uhm...' Howard frowned. He wasn't sure when Leonard finished, actually. Checking his watch, he saw it was nearly midday. The guys would probably be having lunch in about twenty minutes. He decided to go to the university to join them, and actually do some work until Leonard was ready to go. 'Now, I think. I'll see you later, Ma.'

'Be a good boy, and be back before curfew,' she told him seriously, but she smiled when he kissed her cheek goodbye. He pulled on his helmet once he was outside but he couldn't resist sending one more text to Raj. He craved the contact after two weeks of ignoring each other. _I'm coming into work. Don't tell Sheldon I was sick._

Once he sent it, he hesitated, wondering if he should wait for the reply or just get on his scooter. But his phone went off a moment later and decided it for him. _Are you sure? And I won't. _

_I'm sure, _he typed back. _I feel fine. And thanks._

_You're welcome. See you soon._

Howard smiled at this as he put his phone away and got on the Vespa. He'd missed talking to Raj. The only problem was, would they continue talking to each other in person, or was this new contact only allowed through text?

When he got to work, however, he found the guys waiting for him at their usual lunch table, and when he sat down, Raj smiled at him. It was small, and nervous, but it was there all the same. 'What's up, my nerdizzles?' he joked, trying to make Raj feel more comfortable. The man was radiating nervousness. Maybe he was having the same doubts and worries Howard was.

'I'll tell you what's up,' Sheldon sniffed haughtily as he poked at his food. 'Leslie Winkle has once again belittled my work in front of everyone. That woman is a disgrace to the world of science.'

'Calm down, Sheldon,' Leonard rolled his eyes. 'You do realize she teases you so much because she finds your reactions hilarious?'

'I don't follow.'

Howard wasn't particularly hungry after the sandwich he'd just eaten, but he did grab a salad as Leonard and Raj tried to explain Leslie Winkle to Sheldon. When he got back to the table, they'd somehow gotten onto the topic of Leonard's work and Sheldon was insulting it as always. The words 'extremely derivative' and 'pointless' were used more than once, and Leonard's jaw was clenched. Howard and Raj both tried to jump in and ended up talking at the same time.

'So, Leonard, about that new-' Raj tried to say.

'Sheldon, leave off-' Howard started.

They both stopped once they realized the other was talking and flushed, looking down at their plates. Leonard stared at them both, looking confused. 'What's wrong with you two?' he finally exclaimed. 'You've been acting weird for weeks now.'

'Nothing, nothing's wrong,' Howard grumbled, stabbing at a green leaf on his plate.

'Did you two have a fight?' Sheldon queried.

'I said, nothing's wrong!' Howard snapped, his shoulders tense. 'Nothing happened. Now can we please talk about something else?'

Raj looked upset and said nothing. Leonard sighed and shook his head. 'Fine. Have you guys seen the new Batman comic?'

Lunch continued like this for a while, trading pointless banter until it was time for them to get back to work. Howard left first, wanting to avoid being left along with Raj, and was startled when his phone buzzed just as he got to his office. He pulled it out quickly, expecting (and hoping) to see a text from Raj, but was disappointed when he saw it was from Leonard. _You still on for after work?_

_Sure am_, he texted back. _Are we going together or am I following you on my Vespa?_

_We can go together, I'll drop you off back here afterwards so you can pick up your scooter and drive home._

_Sweet, thanks. _Howard put his phone away and sat down. After two weeks of moping about in his bedroom, he was looking forward to some xbox with Leonard.

Xoxoxo

'This is going to be great,' Howard grinned as he and Leonard climbed the stairs to his and Sheldon's apartment. 'Ma agreed to let me stay late, and we can watch a movie too. How about the third Star Wars movie?'

'Yeah, sure,' Leonard shrugged as they reached the fourth floor. 'Oh, by the way, I invited Raj,' he added, opening the door and letting himself inside before Howard could react.

Howard felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, but also a mix of nervousness and, weirdly, happiness. Deep down inside, he really did want to see Raj more. He walked inside the apartment to find Sheldon sitting in his spot reading a comic, and Raj on the floor drinking a soda. When he saw Howard enter, his eyes widened and he shot a glare at Leonard who was walking past. 'You didn't tell me he was coming!' Raj hissed, intending for just Leonard to hear, but all of them did.

'Look,' Leonard set down his bag and turned to face them, his arms crossed and looking slightly pissed off. 'I am sick and tired of you two acting all weird and avoiding each other. Whatever is bothering you, you two need to sit down and sort it out!'

'Nothing is bothering us,' Howard lied, avoiding looking at Raj. He didn't want to know how the man would react to such a blatant lie.

'That's bullshit,' Leonard glared at him. 'Sheldon and I are going over to Penny's, and you two will sort this out like adults!' he grabbed a protesting Sheldon by the arm and tugged him out of the room. The door slammed shut behind them and Howard was at a loss for what to do. Raj was still sitting on the ground, and was staring intently at his soda, saying nothing.

'Maybe we _should_ talk,' Howard sighed as he crossed over to the armchair and sat down. Raj glanced up at him, looking both fearful and hopeful. He nodded once, and Howard played idly with a button on the cuff of his sleeve, trying to formulate his words. 'We had sex,' he said at last. 'We need to get over it and stop ignoring each other.'

It was hard to see because Raj's skin was such a deep brown, but his cheeks flushed. He refused to meet Howard's gaze and continued to stare at his soda. 'I know,' he croaked out. Once he started, the words just came tumbling out and he couldn't stop. 'I shouldn't have made a move on you, I'm sorry, I was drunk and you were acting really cuddly that night and I thought that because you know how I feel about you, that you were hitting on me and I'm really, really sorry.'

Howard held up his hands, his eyes widening. 'Woah, woah, slow down there, buddy. Why are you apologizing? I was an active participant, you know. It takes two to tango,' he paused and watched as Raj nodded slightly. 'And what do you mean by "how you feel about me"?' he added, frowning slightly. He didn't know anything about that.

'I... thought you realized...' Raj looked more embarrassed than ever, gripping his soda tightly. 'I have feelings for you.'

'I had no idea,' Howard blinked a couple of times, trying to process the information. He tried to take stock of how he felt about that. There was shock, of course. He'd always assumed that Raj was just more affectionate than most men. There was the curiosity. He wondered just how long Raj had liked him for, and if it had been present the night the heat went out. He waited for the expected disgust to come, but it didn't. He wasn't disturbed or disgusted by it at all. In fact, he felt something he'd never felt towards Raj before (or at the very least, something he hadn't admitted he'd felt). Longing. He had to admit, he'd thought about it once or twice, a relationship with Raj. But he'd always gotten embarrassed, and would think about something else. His father had always called him a fag, at least up until he abandoned him, and he'd grown up thinking there was something wrong with men liking men. But right now, with it staring him right in the face, it didn't seem so bad. It was actually tempting. He cleared his throat and spoke again, 'why didn't you ever tell me?'

Raj glanced up at him once, fleetingly. 'Leonard asked me if I liked you once and I said yes. He told me it was pretty obvious and from then on I assumed that if it was obvious, that you already knew.'

'I just thought you were being, I dunno, affectionate,' Howard looked down at his lap for a moment, trying to gather the courage to say what he wanted to. 'Look, I don't know how I feel about you. I mean, obviously I'm attracted to you if we ended up in bed together but I'm not entirely sure what that means.'

'I understand,' Raj sounded put out, but he attempted a smile.

Howard returned the smile with one of his own, and then continued, 'could you give me time to work out how I feel? And in the meantime, can we go back to being best friends?'

'Sure,' Raj blinked, looking surprised. 'That's actually a better deal than I expected.' the smile returned, but bigger this time. They grinned at each other for the moment. 'But this stays between us.'

'Obviously.'

Xoxoxo

**There you have it! The first chapter. Tell me what you think, guys! I drew a lot of inspiration from The Shiny Trinket Maneuver episode where Raj says to Howard, "you're so caring, I've often pictured you guiding a young boy into manhood." **

**Next chapter we see Howard find out the good (bad?) news. **

**Please review and tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Welcome back, guys!**

**As in my other stories, I've named Howard's mother Rebecca for convenience. **

Xoxoxo

Howard was awakened by someone prodding his foot that was hanging over the side of the bed. He groaned and buried his head in his pillow, cursing at them extensively. The prodding didn't stop. He swore at them in all the languages he knew. There was a pause, and then another prod at his foot. Howard finally rolled onto his back and cracked one eye open. Raj was standing at the foot of his bed, grinning at him. 'Rise and shine, sleepy head. Its already well into the afternoon.'

'Get out of my room,' Howard snapped sleepily, though it lacked any real bite. He felt terrible. His back was aching horribly and he felt like there was a tiny person inside his head, hammering his brain with an ice pick. It had only been two weeks since he and Raj made up, but they had already fallen back into their old routine, and they acted as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Although Howard did notice Raj staring at him more often than usual.

'Come on, dude, you promised we'd go to the comic book store today,' Raj frowned, grabbing the hanging foot and tugging on it. 'You're always in bed these days.'

Raj managed to pull Howard halfway out of the bed, and the sudden motion caused a rolling feeling in his stomach. With a groan, Howard shoved Raj out of the way and stumbled out of his room, up the hallway and into the bathroom. He wasn't in time to make it to the toilet, but the bath was just as good. He threw up at least once every second day, but after an hour he felt completely fine so he didn't see any reason to make a big deal about it and worry anyone. It usually hit him in the wee hours of the morning, so it was easy to hide, but sometimes there were exceptions, like today.

Raj followed him into the bathroom and wrinkled his nose at the smell. He patted Howard on the back, who was kneeling on the floor next to the bath tub and panting hard. 'Dude, are you sick again? What's wrong with you?'

'Nothing,' he climbed to his feet, trembling slightly as he did so. He grabbed a cloth sitting on the sink and wiped his mouth with it, before turning on the taps for the bath and washing the sick down the drain. Once it was all gone, he turned them off and leaned tiredly against the sink. 'I do that every now and again, its no big deal.'

'No big deal?' Raj crossed his arms and mustered up a glare, although he had a hard time being angry at Howard when the man looked so weak and drained. 'You're sick, Howard. Go see a doctor.'

'I'm fine,' Howard insisted weakly, but Raj was having none of it. He grabbed one scrawny arm and dragged the man back to his room.

'Put some decent clothes on, okay?' he stared at Howard, who was just standing there, looking at his bed like he wanted to marry it. 'I'll come back in five minutes, and you better be dressed.'

'Fine, fine,' Howard waited until Raj left before he pulled out a pair of jeans, a turtle neck, and a shirt to go over top. The jeans were looser than usual, because he didn't want the material to squeeze his stomach and make him throw up again. By the time Raj returned, Howard was just about finished with his morning routine. He quickly brushed his hair into place, and then fixed his friend with a bright smile, though he still felt shitty. 'You ready to go and get some comics?'

'Don't you want to get something to eat, first?' Raj asked, frowning. He gestured towards the kitchen. 'I could make you some french toast or something, although it might take a while.'

The thought of french toast set Howard's stomach rolling again, and he pressed his hand against it, trying to force it to calm down with willpower alone. After a few moments, he felt safe enough to speak without throwing up. He smiled lightly at Raj, who had one eyebrow raised at him in question. 'Nah, I'm not really that hungry. Can we go now?'

'Alright, then,' Raj shrugged and lead him out of the house. His mother was out shopping, thank god, or she'd have made some comment or another about the dark circles under his eyes. Howard was thinking about how nice his bed would feel right about then, but he snapped back to attention when he realized Raj had opened the car door for him and was gesturing for him to get in. Howard frowned. Partly because holding the door open was such a romantic thing to do, partly because that made him the 'female' if Raj was the one holding the door, but mostly because of the fluttering feeling in his stomach because of Raj's actions.

'Thanks,' he muttered as he slid into the passenger seat. Raj shut the door behind him before crossing around to the driver's side and climbing in. They were chatting about the likelihood of Leonard and Penny getting back together when Howard suddenly realized they'd gone past the comic book store. He stopped talking and looked over at Raj, who looked like he knew exactly where he was going. 'Raj, what are you doing?' Howard asked, frowning.

'Taking you to the doctors,' Raj replied simply as he pulled into a parking space in front of a clinic. It was Howard's usual doctor, and he was kind of surprised his friend had remembered which one it was, let alone where it was. 'I called ahead while you were getting dressed and set up an appointment.'

'Raj!' Howard moaned, glaring. 'I told you I'm fine!'

'Well, then,' the Indian man glared right back at him as he turned off the car and pulled the keys out. 'This shouldn't take too long, should it?'

'You're impossible,' Howard grumbled, climbing out of the car and slamming the door behind him. Secretly he was pleased someone had worried enough to take him to the doctors, but he didn't want anyone knowing that. Raj followed him into the clinic, and they waited around twenty minutes before the doctor finally came out and asked them to follow her to her office.

The doctor, Mrs Dare, was an old woman with grey hair, and was around Howard's height. They followed her into a relatively small office and sat down in two small chairs right next to each other. She smiled at them both warmly and offered them some hard candy once they were seated. Howard declined but Raj took one, and the two of them waited as she settled back into her desk chair and looked at them both. 'It's nice to see you again, Howard.'

'You too, Mrs Dare,' he told her, neglecting to mention he hadn't even wanted to come in the first place.

'Who's your friend?' she asked, turning her bright smile on Raj, who was still sucking on the hard candy.

'I'm Raj,' he blurted out. It was easier talking to women who were old, married and nice, so he managed to talk without too much difficulty. It was mostly woman around his own age that he had trouble with.

'It's nice to meet you, Raj,' Mrs Dare nodded at him, before fixing Howard with a penetrating stare. 'Now, Howard, what seems to be the problem?'

'I've been throwing up a lot,' he answered her, fiddling with his shirt sleeve and avoiding making eye contact with her. Although she seemed old and sweet, ever since Howard had been a little boy, if he'd hurt himself accidentally or neglected to tell anyone if he was feeling unwell, she could get pretty scary when she told him off. He decided to tell her everything. If he left something out and she found out about it later on, she'd give him a lecture. 'Maybe once or twice every few days for the past two weeks. I've had a lot of headaches, and recently my back has started hurting, too.'

'And he's been sleeping practically all the time, too,' Raj added, his voice slightly weird as he was speaking around the hard candy.

'Interesting,' Mrs Dare hummed as she typed the symptoms up on her computer. 'How long have you been feeling tired, exactly, Howard?'

'Three weeks, maybe?' he shrugged lightly. 'I'm not entirely sure.'

'Alright, here's what we're going to do,' Mrs Dare smiled at them both. 'I'm going to take a sample of your blood and run some tests. I'll call you in two weeks with the results.'

'I hate giving blood,' Howard grumbled, but he began to roll his sleeve up obediently. Mrs Dare left the room, returning after a few moments with an empty syringe.

'Now, you'll only feel a pinch, Howard,' she smiled at him, but his nerves grew more frayed as she wiped a piece of damp cotton over his forearm. She positioned the syringe and he gasped as it entered his skin, automatically reaching over with his free hand and grasping Raj's arm in a death grip. He was used to needles because of his allergies, but he hated when they took his blood. Feeling it drip out of him always freaked him out.

Raj moved his arm so that Howard was instead holding his hand tightly. If he hadn't been so focused on the needle in his arm, Howard would have been a little worried about holding hands with Raj. He tried not to do anything suggestive towards Raj less he get the wrong idea, at least until he figured out how he felt about the taller man.

A minute passed and the syringe was full with his blood. Mrs Dare pulled the needle out carefully and pressed a piece of cotton onto the tiny hole in his arm, securing it in place with a bit of tape. 'There now, that wasn't so hard,' she smiled at them both, and once Howard had got his breath back, he slowly let go of Raj's hand, embarrassed that he'd grabbed it in the first place. 'Alright, now in two weeks I'll call you with the results, okay?'

'Alright,' he agreed, and he and Raj both stood up. 'Thank you, Mrs Dare.'

'You're welcome, love,' she smiled.

Xoxoxo

'_HOWUUD! THE PHONE IS RINGING!'_

'SO ANSWER IT!'

'_I'M BUSY!'_

'For god's sake,' Howard grunted. He set down his xbox controller and stretched out to grab the phone, pressing the answer button and holding it to his ear. 'Hello?'

'Howard, this is Mrs Dare,' a smooth voice said in his ear, and he smiled a little. 'I have your test results back.'

'Yeah?' he used his shoulder to hold the phone to his ear as he picked up a model rocket from a shelf and started fiddling with it. 'What's the news? Nothing bad I hope.'

'It could be good or bad,' Mrs Dare said slowly, and he heard rustling paper in the background. 'Listen, Howard, I need you to come into the clinic. This isn't the kind of thing to be said over the phone.'

Howard almost dropped the rocket as he felt fear form low in his stomach. He gulped and set it down, asking, 'its not some kind of disease, is it?'

'No, nothing like that,' Mrs Dare soothed. 'Just come in as soon as you can, okay?'

'How's right now for you?' he asked, reaching for the keys to his Vespa. He shoved them in his pocket and retrieved his helmet from his closet.

'That's fine,' she replied.

'I'll be there soon.'

Howard said his goodbyes and hung up. Yelling to his mother that he was going to the comic book store, he escaped the house and got on his scooter. The whole ride there, he couldn't stop imagining what was wrong with him. He had thought he was fine but it sounded pretty serious. He wished Raj were with him so he'd have moral support, and someone to soothe his fears. Someone to tell him that everything was going to be okay.

When he arrived at the clinic, he didn't have to wait at all. About ten seconds after he walked in the door, Mrs Dare swooped down on him and ushered him into her office, babbling some kind of nonsense about her grandchildren the whole way to avoid his questions. Once inside, she sat down at her desk chair while he sat in the same spot he had the last time he'd been there. There was a tense silence before Howard blurted out, 'am I dying?'

'What?' Mrs Dare blinked, then reached out and patted his hand. 'Good Lord, no! Its nothing that serious.'

'Then why did you make me drive all the way here just to talk to you in person?' he asked, slightly relieved but still worried.

'Well...' she glanced at her computer screen, which had an email open on it. Howard couldn't read anything from where he was sitting, but he was too nervous to be curious. 'I ran several tests on your blood and nothing came up,' she told him, and again he felt both relief and even more worry. 'I decided to run one more test, just for fun, because all the symptoms matched,' she sighed a little.

'Just for fun?' Howard frowned, uncomprehending.

'You see, it's the kind of test to check for something no one would think you have,' she bit her lip and glanced at the screen again. There was a pause and he was about to beg her to get on with it when she finally spoke again. 'The test came up positive. I thought it was defective at first but I used more of your blood and ran the test again and came up with the same result.'

'Okay...' he nodded slowly, not really understanding. 'Go on.'

'I was shocked, to say the least,' she smiled at him, but it was the kind of smile that only made him panic. 'I've never seen the like of it before. But I contacted an old friend of mine, who's also in the medical profession...' she gestured to the computer screen. 'Go on, read it.'

Howard stood up and walked over to the computer, leaning over so he could read the email.

_Dr Margaret Dare,_

_I received your email on the positive test result you got from one of your male patients. We have seen only two other cases of the like in the known history of man kind, and they both happened only a few weeks ago. Although we do not know how as of yet, we have concluded that somehow, it has become possible for some males to become pregnant as well as females. Both cases were kept from the public to keep the men involved anonymous, but questions will be raised when the men start showing, and in an estimated seven months, when the first case is due, it will soon go worldwide. _

_I would advise you to treat your patient with extreme care and keep a close eye on him during his pregnancy. Because we do not know anything about this, we must monitor the babies closely and watch for any health defects. I recommend an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and to check on the baby at the six week mark._

_I would be pleased if you would keep me up to date on this case._

_Yours faithfully, _

_Jason Terrence. _

Howard stumbled back from the computer, landing heavily back in his seat, feeling numb. After a moment, that was replaced with anger. 'Is this some kind of joke?' he asked harshly, narrowing his eyes. There was no way he was pregnant. There was absolutely no way. He hadn't even had sex with a g-

'_Oh_,' he thought weakly. The one night stand with Raj.

It didn't matter, he decided. Because there was no way this was possible. Absolutely no way.

'Howard,' Mrs Dare started softly, laying a hand on his shoulder. 'I can't begin to imagine what you must be feeling right now, but I'm telling you the truth. When was the last time you had sexual intercourse with another man?'

'Six weeks ago,' he grunted. He was furious, of course, that she was playing some kind of sick joke on him, but he had a soft spot for her and couldn't take it out on her.

'Then perhaps you can come back tomorrow,' she squeezed his shoulder. 'That's far along enough for an ultrasound. I can book you in and you can see for yourself. How does that sound?'

'Stupid,' he snorted as he stood up. 'Seeing as men can't get pregnant.'

'Howard, you'll bring yourself here tomorrow,' Mrs Dare said sternly, her eyes narrowing. There was a moments silence where they glared at each other, neither willing to back down. Eventually, Howard sighed and nodded, feeling silly.

'Fine, whatever,' he crossed his arms. 'But if this is all fake, which it is, you're paying for the bloody thing. I hear they're pretty expensive.'

'That sounds agreeable,' the glare was gone, replaced by a bright smile. 'We'll have to have the ultrasound technician there, of course, but I know her and she's perfectly capable of keeping all this a secret for you. I'll see you tomorrow, sweetie, at say... two in the afternoon?'

'Sure,' Howard shrugged. He was recovering from the initial shock, and he was just kind of annoyed that Mrs Dare was insisting on this instead of finding out what was actually wrong with him. It didn't matter, though. Tomorrow she'd see her mistake and then do what she was supposed to do. He felt a surge of dread. He didn't want to have an ultrasound, pregnant or not. The whole notion was silly.

'_It'll make a great story for the guys,_' he thought, but then he remembered what caused all this. '_Oh, wait. That would mean telling them I slept with Raj. Never mind._'

Xoxoxo

Howard cursed under his breath, feeling completely stupid. He was lying on an examination table in one of the rooms in the clinic he'd never been in before today, with his shirt hiked up to expose his stomach as the technician rubbed cool gel over it. If Howard had met her before all this had happened in a bar, he would have tried to pick her up. But at that moment, getting laid was the last thing on his mind. He felt like some of his buddies from the engineering department were going to burst in at any moment, take pictures of him and laugh at him for actually going through with getting an ultrasound.

'Alright,' the technician, who had introduced herself as Dr Gracen, looked down at him with what Howard assumed was supposed to be a comforting smile. It came off as fake and uncomfortable. 'This here is the screen your baby will pop up on, if you do happen to be pregnant.'

'Uh-huh,' he was starting to get a little bored and his mind began to drift. He vaguely wondered what he was going to have for dinner later.

'Now,' Dr Gracen's voice penetrated his thoughts. It sounded high and awful. Usually he was into these kind of girls- the fake nails, long blonde hair and caked make up (well, to be perfectly honest, he was usually into _any _kind of girl). But for some reason, all he could notice was she had a really bad case of split ends. 'I'm going to rub the transducer over your stomach,' she held up an instrument that was about the size of a bar of soap and was connected to a machine that had a little screen. The screen was positioned so he could see it perfectly. 'And it will transmit high-frequency sound waves that bounce off your baby. This computer then translates the echoing sounds into video images that reveal your baby's shape, position, and movements_. _If you _are _pregnant, of course.' she sounded doubtful.

'Trust me, he is,' Mrs Dare spoke up. She was sitting next to the table Howard was lying on, watching the procedure closely. Howard snorted at her words.

'Can we just hurry up?' he asked Dr Gracen, who looked slightly affronted. 'I want to go home and do something useful.'

Huffing, she placed the transducer on his stomach and began to move it back and forth slowly. After a few moments, the screen began to show images. Howard wasn't even looking. He was staring at the ceiling and waiting for Dr Gracen to start laughing and tell Mrs Dare that she had made a mistake. No such luck.

'Holy shit,' was what he heard instead. 'He actually is pregnant. How the fuck did that happen?'

His head turned so fast he hurt his neck, but he ignored it, staring hard at the screen. He'd seen the ultrasound pictures of himself when his own mother was pregnant with him, but this was a little different. The weird looking thing on the screen was smaller. Dr Gracen pointed to a part of it, speaking slowly. 'This is the little guy or gal's feet, here, and this is it's head. Its too early to know the sex just yet. Its around the right size for sex weeks into the pregnancy, and there seems to be nothing wrong with it.'

Howard was barely listening. His heart was pounding too loudly in his ears and suddenly it was much too hot in the stuffy little room. He tasted bile. There was no way it could be true and yet... the proof was right there, staring him in the face.

A baby.

His baby.

Raj's baby.

Their baby.

He opened his mouth and he croaked a soft, 'oh god.'

'_I'm pregnant._'

Xoxoxo

He hadn't been able to keep it from his mother. When he'd stumbled into the house, she'd taken one look at him, trembling and wide eyed, and knew something was wrong. The picture Dr Gracen had taken of the baby and given to him had slipped out of his hand and Rebecca had picked it up. She looked at it once, set it on the counter, and wrapped her arms around her son. 'How far along is she?'

Howard couldn't help it. He started crying uncontrollably into her shoulder. A tiny part of him snickered at the fact she'd immediately concluded he'd gotten someone else pregnant, and not the other way around. Well of course she did. As far as the non-medical-professional world knew, men couldn't become pregnant. 'Shh,' his mother soothed, patting his hair as she guided him towards the living room and setting him on the couch so she could comfort him better. 'It's going to be okay.'

She sat next to him and pulled him back into the tight embrace. He melted there, ignoring everything but her heartbeat, trying to get his crying under control. After a while, he was able to breath relatively normal again and he managed to speak, his voice cracked. 'I didn't get a girl pregnant, Ma.'

'What?' he couldn't see her face, but he heard the confusion in her voice. Fear mingled with the feelings of despair and hopelessness. What if she was disgusted? Not only did he have sex with another male, but he'd somehow managed to get himself pregnant from it too. What if she called him a freak? Kicked him out? Hated him? 'What are you talking about, Howard?'

He couldn't speak. She lifted his chin so she could look him in the eye, her face stern yet sympathetic at the same time. She waited until he could gather the courage to speak. Just trying to think of what to say caused his eyes to well up again, and he forced everything out before he could start crying. 'Raj got me pregnant that night we went out for the Saturday night special.'

It was rushed, but she understood him anyway. Her face morphed into a frown, and he almost expected to get hit. 'Howard, don't be silly. You're not a woman.'

'Call Mrs Dare if you like,' he pulled away from her, standing and heading towards his room. He needed to be alone. And even though he'd gone to the bathroom just before the ultrasound, he really needed to pee again. 'She'll tell you everything you need to know.'

Voiding his bladder while he was crying was a weird experience, to say the least. Mrs Dare had listed off symptoms he might experience now he was a few weeks into the pregnancy after the ultrasound, and he knew that needing to pee more often was one of them. It annoyed him that the... the _thing _residing in his stomach was even messing with his bladder now. Glaring down at his belly that was still as flat as ever as he zipped his jeans up, he imagined all the harsh things he could say to it. He wanted to curse at it, scream at it. But some part of him held the rest of him back. Did he really want the first thing he said to his unborn child to be some kind of curse word?

Mrs Dare had encouraged him to try and connect with the baby, whatever that meant. She told him to talk to it, acknowledge it, even hold his belly. Hesitantly, he laid his hand over his stomach. He felt nothing. Just the same as ever. No sudden connection, or motherly bond. Just skin under his palm. With a growl, he pulled his hand away and went into his room, throwing himself on the bed. The worst part was he couldn't even abort the thing. Because male pregnancies were so new and nothing was really known about them, they couldn't risk trying to do an abortion until they knew more about it. But by that time, it'd already be too late.

At least he wasn't showing.

The thought didn't comfort him. Probably because he would start showing, eventually. And because he was so short and skinny, it'd be sooner rather than later. What the hell was he going to tell people? '_What the hell am I going to tell Raj?_' he thought, feeling panic grip him. '_What could I say? Oh hey, man, I got my test results back. Turns out I'm pregnant with your baby!_' Howard snorted. '_As if._'

He didn't remember falling asleep, but he woke up the next day feeling slightly better. His mother brought him breakfast in bed and told him Mrs Dare had explained everything to her, and that she was going to support him. She'd even had the picture of the baby framed. 'Well,' she had said with a laugh as she cut his pancakes, 'if you're going to start going after boys now, at least I still get grandchildren.'

She'd called in sick for him at work so he didn't have to worry about facing anyone else. He just sat in bed, holding the framed picture of his unborn child. Howard traced his finger along the lumpy shape that was undoubtedly a baby. Without even realizing, he started wondering if it would look more like him, or more like Raj. He snapped out of his daydreams when his cell phone began to vibrate on his bedside table. He checked the screen and saw it was Leonard calling. He placed it back on the table and ignored it. He didn't want to talk to anyone.

He glanced at his watch and saw it was around one in the afternoon. With nothing else to do, he started playing Grand Theft Auto, hoping it would take his mind off the baby. It worked, until around half past six, when his phone vibrating once again pulled him out of the game. With a sigh, he checked it and saw Raj had texted. _Are you sick again?_

Jesus, Raj was the last person he wanted to talk to right now.

Okay, not necessarily true. He wished he could confide in Raj, have the man with him so he could be comforted by him saying that everything was going to be fine. But seeing as Raj was the father, he'd more than likely freak out as well.

He held the phone in his hand, trying to think of what to say. Should he tell him, or not? Should he tell him at all? '_Don't be an idiot,_' he thought to himself harshly. '_He'll probably put two and two together when you grow a gigantic stomach. It's better to tell him now._'

His thumb hovering over the keys uncertainly, he took a deep breath. _We need to talk._

There. Now he couldn't get out of it. 'Oh god,' he groaned, burying his face in his pillow. 'Why can't this just be a bad dream?' he pinched his arm, but nothing changed. He was still lying in bed, and the framed picture was still sitting on the bedside table where he had left it. Frustration bubbled up, and it brought on the tears again. He tried to control them, but that only made it worse, and when he rolled over and his hand automatically rested on his stomach, reminding him of his situation, the tears turned into all out sobs. He felt vibration under his back, and realized he was lying on his phone. He dug it out and flipped it open, but it wasn't a text, Raj had called him. And by opening his phone, he'd answered the call. He struggled to keep his sobs quiet. He couldn't end the call, he'd already answered it. Shaking with the effort of containing himself, he pressed the phone to his ear.

'Howard? You there, dude?'

'I'm here,' despite himself, the last syllable came out as a sort of hiccup, high pitched and weird. He closed his eyes, mentally cursing himself.

'Howard? What's wrong? Are you crying?'

'No,' he replied stubbornly, but after a moment he couldn't help himself and sniffed. Once he'd allowed that, he gave in and let out a sob. 'Yes.'

'You're at home, right? I'll be there as soon as I can,' he could hear the worry in Raj's voice even over the phone. 'Stay put, Howard.'

'You don't have t-' he started, but Raj had already hung up. Howard closed his phone and curled into a little ball, closing his eyes. He was relieved that Raj was coming. He needed the man's presence more than anything at that moment. But it made him panic as well, because there was no way he was going to get out of telling him now. Time passed excruciatingly slowly, like it always does when you're anticipating something. Eventually, though, his bedroom door did open, and after a few moments he felt a hand on his back.

'What happened?'

It was such a relief to hear Raj's voice. Howard uncurled himself and sat up, facing the man, who sat down on the bed beside him. Howard desperately wanted to cry, but he was determined not to in front of Raj. The silence stretched as they stared at each other, his shoulders shaking. He was having trouble breathing, and when his lungs felt like they were going to burst, he finally let go, burying his face in his hands and crying once again. '_Stupid goddamn pregnancy hormones,_' he thought to himself.

Raj didn't say anything, but he shuffled closer and wrapped his arms around Howard, pulling him in tight. His face was pressed up against Raj's chest, and the position was hurting his back, but he never wanted to move. After a while, though, the tears dried out and his back was screaming at him, so he had to pull away. He wiped his eyes and nose with his sleeve and sniffed, avoiding looking at Raj. Raj placed a hand on his arm and rubbed in a soothing way.

'Are you going to tell me what that was about?' the Indian man finally asked after several minutes of silence. His voice was gentle, and his hand was still on Howard's arm. He leaned over, trying to put himself in Howard's line of sight so he could see his eyes.

Howard sniffed again, giving in and meeting Raj's eyes. He knew that he would look like shit, what with all the crying he'd been doing, but he didn't really care. He knew Raj wouldn't care either. He glanced down at his stomach. 'I went into the doctors office, today.'

'Oh right, you were supposed to get your results,' Raj nodded. After a moment, his eyes widened and his hand tightened it's grip on Howard's arm. 'Please tell me there's nothing seriously wrong with you. Say its just the flu.'

'Would I be crying my eyes out like a little girl if I had the flu, Raj?' Howard didn't have much energy to snap, and it came out as a kind of sigh. He realized the sonogram picture was still on his bedside table, and he hoped Raj hadn't noticed it.

'Tell me what happened,' the taller man was biting his lower lip, worry evident on his face. It warmed Howard slightly, that he was so concerned. He took that warmth and used it to give himself courage.

'I'm pregnant.'

He swore he could hear a pin drop, Raj was so quiet. A range of emotions crossed his face, and Howard couldn't identify every single one, but he definitely saw shock and disbelief. 'I know you wont believe me,' he said softly, staring straight at Raj to try and convince him that he wasn't lying. 'I didn't believe it either. But I had an ultrasound yesterday and its true.'

He picked up the framed picture and handed it to Raj, who took it silently. He stared at it for a few moments, one hand reaching up to trace the lumpy part that was the baby, just as Howard had done so earlier that day. Eventually he looked up, meeting Howard's eyes, and gulped. 'Mine?'

Howard only nodded, holding his breath. He didn't know how Raj was going to react. Would he be mad? Would he start crying like Howard had? Would he think Howard was making it up?

He wasn't prepared for the hug Raj pulled him into, and he stiffened. The taller man was silent for a few moments, before he whispered, 'I'm sorry. This is all my fault.'

'Why do I feel like we've had this conversation before?' Howard felt immense relief. Raj wasn't mad. He wasn't upset to the point of tears. Howard felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, and for the first time since he'd gotten the ultrasound, a tiny smile appeared. 'Oh, wait, its because we _have _had this conversation before. As I said, it takes two to tango.'

This made Raj smile slightly, but he still looked like he was in shock. Raj's gaze slid from Howard's face to his stomach, and he reached out tentatively, pressing his palm against it. He looked absolutely terrified, but also kind of awe-struck 'You don't feel pregnant.'

'I'm barely even a month in, stupid,' he attempted to sound normal, but the feel of Raj's hand over his stomach caused a strange feeling in his chest. He bit his lip. If felt weird that Raj was doing that when Howard had barely even accepted the baby. 'So, you believe me?' he ventured hesitantly.

'I can always tell when you're lying, you know,' Raj shrugged. 'And right now, you're telling the truth. Besides, it's a stupid thing to lie about.'

Howard smiled slightly. 'Thank you.'

'What are you going to do?' Raj asked gently, not taking his hand away. He was staring at Howard's stomach with a kind of wide eyed look.

'The doctors are scared it might hurt me if they try to give me an abortion, so that option is out,' he shrugged. He felt happier that Raj knew, that he wasn't crying or anything. 'So I guess I either give it up for adoption, or keep it.'

'What do you want to do?' Raj's hand was moving now, stroking his stomach instead of just pressing against it. It felt good.

'I don't know,' Howard let out a sigh, and without thinking, his own hand came up to cover Raj's, connecting the three of them together. '_The three of us,_' Howard thought, slightly freaked out by it. '_It's never going to be just the two of us again._'

'This is a huge shock, to say the least,' Raj said slowly. 'I'll be honest, I'm fucking terrified. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do or say, but whatever you decide, I'll support you.'

'Thank you.'

Xoxoxo

**Just a wee note, from the second episode, Howard says that Raj "can't talk to attractive women", so I'm guessing Raj wouldn't have too much trouble with an old married woman.**


	3. Chapter 3

**After a very long wait, I finally got around to finishing this chapter. Sorry for the hiatus, guys! **

**Thanks for all the reviews and follows and favourites. They're a great ego booster! Anyway, hope you enjoy!**

Xoxoxo

Howard spent one week living his life as if it were going to end when the baby finally came along. One week of utter moping and despair, crying himself to sleep and hardly turning up to work. Raj stayed by him during the days, trying to cheer him up and keep him from doing anything stupid. Howard had the sneaking suspicion he was doing so because he felt still felt responsible for this whole debacle. Raj never made a move on him once, even during moments where Howard was so down he probably wouldn't have done anything to stop it. The question still shimmered in the air, however. The question of how he felt about Raj. He still didn't know the answer. At night, he was on his own. He refused to let Raj stay the night (which was fair enough, considering a sleep over was what got them into this mess), and the nights were the worst. Every time three am rolled around, he'd be out of bed and in the bathroom, revisiting his dinner. Everytime he sat on the bathroom floor afterwards, shivering in the cool night air, he'd wish he'd never been born.

At the end of that week, he finally pulled himself together and faced the world. He obtained official papers explaining his pregnancy so he had proof for when he needed to go on maternity leave. On returning to work, he learned from an ecstatic Leonard that he and Penny were finally back together, much to Sheldon's disdain. He learned that there was going to be a Doctor Who marathon at Sheldon and Leonard's that Saturday, and he and Raj agreed to go.

Leonard cornered Howard in his lab that Friday, grinning at him. He was leaning against one of the benches and seemed pretty satisfied with himself. Probably because of Penny. 'I heard that Raj told you he likes you,' Leonard snickered, watching as Howard tried to figure out how to fix one of the machines on his work bench. Howard froze, a tiny screw dropping from his fingers and hitting the floor. He cursed and dropped into a crouch, trying to find it.

'Yeah, so what?' he grumbled, finally locating it under the bench and clutching it in his fist. He stood up again, but had to grab the bench as a wave of dizziness hit him. Leonard didn't notice.

'I also heard that his parents set him up on a blind date without his permission, and he cancelled by telling her he had feelings for someone else,' the self-satisfied smirk was still there. The stupid jerk was enjoying Howard's discomfort. Howard always did hate when Leonard got a girlfriend. He became unbearably obnoxious.

Suddenly, the words registered in Howard's brain, and he blinked a couple of times. Raj had turned down the opportunity of a girlfriend, one his parents approved of, for him? He felt his heart turn over and sighed. He couldn't deal with this right now. 'Look,' he told Leonard, who was still grinning. 'Can we drop this? I need to get this done today.'

'Sure, buddy,' Leonard patted his shoulder and turned to leave. As he walked out, he called over his shoulder, 'but he's not going to wait forever, you know!'

Howard tried to ignore him, but his words stuck in his head. Leonard was right, Raj wasn't going to wait forever. Howard had to hurry up and figure out how he felt before he ended up hurting the other man big time.

He wasn't happy waking up early in the morning on a Saturday for the Doctor Who marathon, but he dragged himself from his bed regardless. Raj, who had agreed to pick him up and drop him off, arrived just as Howard finished breakfast. The Indian surveyed the table, where there were several empty bowls and plates, raising an eyebrow. 'How much did you eat?'

'Just a couple of bowls of cereal, some sandwiches and some fruit,' Howard shrugged. He hardly noticed how much he ate now. Before the pregnancy he usually only had a bowl of All Bran each morning, but over time the amount of food he ate slowly increased. Mrs Dare told him it was because the baby needed more to grow.

'You should lay off, dude, you look like you're getting a bit fat,' Raj poked Howard's side, who turned in his seat to scowl at him darkly.

'I'm pregnant, you moron,' he hissed. 'That's what generally happens.'

Raj's eyes widened, and his cheeks flushed the tiniest bit. 'Shit, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking,' he bit his lower lip and grabbed Howard's arm, who had stood up and tried to leave the room. 'Really, I'm sorry. I'm not used to this, okay? We've spent the last week pretending you're not, so I just kinda... kept going.'

Howard tried to stay angry, but he was too tired. Sighing, he turned and looked up at Raj, who released his arm. 'Do I really look fat?'

'No, just thicker,' Raj shrugged, reaching out to ruffle his hair, causing Howard to scowl again and shove his hand away. 'Certainly not pregnant. You're not supposed to show until about three months, I think, so its probably just because of how much you've been eating lately.'

'How do you know when I'm supposed to show?' Howard's lips twitched, threatening a smile.

'I researched it, dude,' Raj looked at him like he was crazy. 'Thought I might as well look up everything I could on pregnancies, considering the situation.'

The smile formed, and Howard turned his head away to try and hide it. It warmed him that Raj would go to so much trouble for him. He cleared his throat and gestured towards the door. 'Well, should we go?'

Raj, relieved that Howard wasn't mad at him, agreed. They spent the first half of the ride in comfortable silence, until Howard hesitantly asked, 'so, what other stuff did you learn about... you know... pregnancies?'

Raj took a while to reply, trying to remember everything and concentrate on driving at the same time. He stopped at a red light and glanced over at Howard as he waited for it to turn green. 'Just stuff like symptoms and facts about the baby,' he bit his lip, resisting the urge to look at Howard again. 'I went onto a website designed for the fathers and what to do when their partner is expecting.'

Howard's cheeks flushed at this, and he stared resolutely out the window. 'That's pretty cool,' he mumbled.

The light turned green and Raj continued driving. He took a breath and asked softly, 'have you given any thought to what you want to do when the baby is born?'

'Not really,' Howard shrugged, but the question made him nervous. There were so many things he had to work out and he only had a small amount of time to do it in. He felt like he was in school, trying to cram for an exam for a subject he knew nothing about, without any kind of study materials. And that the exam was life or death. He was completely lost. How was he supposed to raise a baby? And, on the other hand, if he chose adoption, how was he supposed to just give it up to someone else? How would Raj feel about it? What was he supposed to do about Raj when he had no idea how he felt about him?

'_That's not entirely true,_' he thought to himself tiredly. Everytime he saw the man, he ended up smiling, even when he was at his lowest. Everytime Raj said or did something that could be considered suggestive or romantic, he felt a funny feeling in his chest, one he'd only really felt when he was around women. Raj was one of the only people he trusted completely. Everytime he searched further inside himself for the answer to his questions, he felt panic and fear. Giving into it, he sighed and settled back into his seat. His questions could wait for the time being. He wondered absently if they were late. The clock in Raj's car was broken so he lifted his hips and tried to pull his phone out of his jeans, not an easy feat because of how tight they were. Along with his phone, he accidentally pulled out a bunch of papers. Glancing at them, he saw they were the official papers Mrs Dare had given him that he'd barely looked twice at. Sighing, he shoved them back in his pocket and checked his phone. Nope, just on time.

Raj pulled up into the parking lot outside the apartment building. They entered the lobby and made their way up the stairs, not looking at each other and staying quiet. Howard noticed that by the time they reacher the fourth floor, he was feeling a little puffed. That pissed him off, knowing the only reason was the baby. He knocked loudly on apartment 4A's door, and it was opened by Penny a few moments later. He noticed several things at once. One, Penny was in a tiny little tank top and shorts, her hair disheveled. Two, Sheldon and Leonard were in the living room behind her, having some sort of disagreement, and three, someone was making french toast because the smell hit him almost immediately.

'Oh hey guys,' Penny smiled at them both, holding the door open wider to allow them inside. Howard swallowed a couple of times, feeling nauseous. From the moment he'd gotten pregnant, french toast had become repugnant to him. He moved towards to fridge to grab a bottle of water, hoping it would help.

'We are supposed to be having a Who Marathon,' Sheldon whined at Leonard, crossing his arms. 'Not breakfast in bed with your... booty call.'

'Sheldon,' Leonard's voice was sharp. 'Don't call her that, she's not my booty call, she's my girlfriend. And we're not having breakfast in bed, we can start the marathon whenever you like.'

Penny rolled her eyes at the argument and shut the door behind Raj, who sat down on the couch. She went into the kitchen to check on the french toast, humming softly. Howard, who had just shut the fridge and turned, nearly gagged when Penny held up a plate of french toast close to his face. 'Want some?'

He didn't reply, instead rushing for the bathroom. Cursing the day he slept with Raj in his head, he emptied his breakfast into the toilet. Raj and Leonard followed him into the bathroom. Raj, now somewhat used to this, patted Howard's back as he tried to catch his breath. Leonard stared at them for a moment, before asking, 'is he sick again?'

Raj shrugged and said without thinking, 'not exactly.'

Leonard raised an eyebrow as Raj winced, realizing what he said. 'What do you mean?' Leonard leant against the sink as Howard wiped his mouth and flushed the toilet.

Howard didn't respond, only yanked the papers out of his pocket and shoved them at Leonard. He was in no mood to make up some kind of excuse, or to talk at all, really. At that moment, he didn't give a damn about who knew and who didn't. He stood shakily, with Raj's help, and washed his mouth out in the sink as Leonard read the papers. His eyes grew wider and wider with each passing moment, and when he finished, he looked at Howard with disbelief. 'Is this some kind of joke?'

Howard rolled his eyes, his mood worsening. He left the bathroom and went into the living room, sitting heavily on the couch. The smell of french toast was still making him feel sick, but he didn't feel he was in danger of throwing up again. Penny was still in the kitchen, and Sheldon was sitting in his spot, waiting for them impatiently. Raj and Leonard came out of the bathroom, Raj sitting on the arm of one of the chairs and Leonard standing in front of Howard. 'Is this a joke?' he asked again.

'What's a joke?' Penny turned off the stove and joined Leonard, who showed her the papers. Her eyes went wide when she finished reading them, and she looked at Howard with the same disbelieving look that Leonard had. 'Are you serious?'

'What is it?' Sheldon held his hand out for the papers. 'Show me!'

Leonard handed them to him, and he read fairly quickly. Howard wished he could just leave. He didn't want this kind of attention. Instead of reacting with shock or disbelief, Sheldon set the papers down and looked at Howard. 'Remarkable, absolutely remarkable,' he shook his head. 'I believe congratulations are in order.'

'Wait a minute,' Leonard crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes at Sheldon. 'Are you telling me you actually believe this?'

'Well of course I do, Leonard,' Sheldon blinked innocently. 'I once went to Howard's doctor when I had a stomach ache. Her signature is exactly the same as what's on these papers, so I know they're not forged. She's a very sensible woman, Leonard. She wouldn't make this up or take a bribe to write out official papers for a fake pregnancy. Also, he's been showing a lot of symptoms, we just never noticed.'

Leonard was stunned into silence, and he walked into the kitchen, turning his back on them as he tried to process what he'd just learned. Sheldon took no notice and continued to talk. 'I can't imagine how you somehow got the uterus to become pregnant in the first place, I might have to run some tests...' he shook his head. 'This explains quite a bit. Your absences from work, your increased diet... you even look a bit puffy.'

Howard clenched his fists, and Raj leant over to hiss in Sheldon's ear, 'dude! Lay off, he doesn't need this.'

Sheldon shut up obediently, and Penny looked at Howard sympathetically. She sat down between him and Sheldon, trying to look at his face even as he tried to turn it away. 'Is it true, Howard? Its not some practical joke, is it?'

'Why the hell would I go to so much trouble for a practical joke?' he snarled.

Penny paused, watching him for a moment. She must have decided to believe him, because her next question was, 'well, then... who's the father? The other father, I mean.'

Howard said nothing, refusing to look at anyone and instead choosing to stare at his lap. Raj bit his lower lip, wanting to confess, but unable to because of Penny being in the room. The silence lengthened and he closed his eyes, putting the woman out of his mind and gathering his courage. After a few moments, he finally managed to squeak out, 'I am.'

Xoxoxo

Howard had managed to make some excuse and leave, although the other's weren't very impressed. They were bursting with questions and Raj was refusing to say any more. Howard spent the rest of the day with his phone turned off, so he wouldn't be bothered by the millions of texts and calls he was bound to have gotten. His mother was surprised he was home so early, but didn't comment. She left for her book club and Howard sat down on the couch. He noticed after a while that the magazine resting on the table next to the couch was a maternity one. No doubt his pregnancy was the reason she'd gone out and bought it. Maybe she'd even left it there purposely so he'd see it and read it. Intrigued despite himself, he picked it up and flipped through it.

He stared at the pictures of women with large bellies and tried to imagine what he would look like in a few months. He just couldn't picture it. He came across an article for unplanned pregnancies and started to read. It was full of useful information, and at the end it had a tip for the father of the baby. It said that if the father was having trouble accepting the pregnancy, he should try to talk to the baby and acknowledge it. It wasn't meant for the person who was pregnant, but Howard thought he might as well give it a try, seeing as he wasn't accepting the pregnancy very well.

Taking a breath, he put his hand under his shirt and rested it on his stomach. 'Hey there,' he murmured, feeling stupid. The thing probably couldn't even understand him. Ignoring the feeling, he pushed on. 'I'm your daddy. My name is Howard,' he paused for a moment, closing his eyes and sighing. This was only making him feel awkward. 'You're a bit special, you know. Babies aren't supposed to be born to two men, and yet here we are.'

He focused on the movement of his stomach each time he took a breath, and imagined it was moving each time the baby took a breath too. If babies could breathe in the womb. Could they? He didn't know. He imagined what it would look like when it was older, a mix of Howard and Raj. For the first time, he started to feel something for the baby, a warm feeling in his chest. He thought it might have been affection. 'You have another daddy, too,' he continued, relaxing as the feelings of awkwardness started to melt away. 'You met him before, and he even put a hand over you. His name is Raj, and he's my best friend. I don't know what's going to happen between us but he promised to support you and I.'

He stopped, his hand still resting on his stomach. He no longer felt feelings of resentment towards the baby. Maybe it was just because he was so relaxed, or maybe the feelings were gone for good. He didn't know. What he did know is that this baby was a little piece of Raj, and something to be treasured, not hated. 'There's probably going to be a lot of people who won't like you because you have two daddies,' he mused. He didn't really care what other people thought, though. It was none of their business. 'Stick with me, kid,' he murmured, patting his belly. 'I'll keep you safe.'

Xoxoxo

Work on Monday had been a nightmare. He'd been late and gotten chewed out by another engineer for skipping so much work. He couldn't find some of the parts for the machine he was fixing and he'd screwed up some of the paperwork that needed to be filed. He was absolutely exhausted by the time lunch rolled around, so much so that he'd completely forgotten about Saturday and how Leonard and Sheldon would probably bombard him with questions. All he could think about was getting some damn food and relaxing without someone yelling at him.

He sat down at the ususal table with a tray piled with food. Some people looked at him weirdly, considering he never used to eat this much, but he didn't notice. Raj was already at the table, writing something down in a little notebook. He looked up when Howard sat down opposite him and smiled. 'Hey.'

'Hey,' Howard replied, tearing into his lunch. His stomach had been rumbling for about two hours now, because he'd missed breakfast. Raj watched him eat with something akin to fascination.

'So,' he said after a while, causing Howard to look up. 'You been feeling alright?'

'Considering I haven't thrown up since Saturday, I'd say I'm feeling pretty great,' Howard shrugged, taking a great gulp of his soda. His stomach dropped when he remembered what happened Saturday and he looked around nervously for Sheldon and Leonard.

'Hopefully you wont for the rest of the...' Raj lowered his voice to a whisper. 'For the rest of the _pregnancy_.'

'I shouldn't throw up again for the rest of it,' Howard shrugged, distracted. 'I'm about eight weeks, which is when Mrs Dare said the nausea usually stops for most women.'

Raj was about to reply but Leonard and Sheldon appeared. Leonard put his tray down on the table and sat next to Howard, shooting him a look. 'You haven't answered any of my phone calls, you know.'

'I wasn't in the mood to talk,' Howard stared at his plate, shoving food in his mouth to try and discourage Leonard from asking the questions he no doubt wanted the answers to.

'How far along are you, anyway?' Sheldon asked loudly, causing several heads to turn in their direction. 'From the looks of you I'd say no more than nine or ten weeks.'

'Sheldon!' Raj hissed, elbowing him in the side. 'Shut the hell up! Do you want the whole world to know?'

'I didn't realize you wanted it kept a secret,' the man sulked, but he didn't say anything more on the subject.

Howard, who'd almost spat out his mouthful at Sheldon's question, finished it quickly and glanced over at Leonard, who raised his eyebrows. 'Okay, obviously you have questions,' he muttered. 'Just get them out now and _quietly_ so I don't have to deal with this again.'

'You never answered my question,' Sheldon pointed out sulkily.

'I'm around eight weeks,' Howard rolled his eyes. 'Anything else?'

'How did this even happen?' Leonard asked, pointing with his fork between him and Raj. 'I mean, I realize that _he's_ crazy about you, but I didn't know you liked him back.'

The atmosphere in the group immediately grew more awkward, and Raj and Howard refused to meet each other's eyes. The mention of Raj's feelings and also the bringing up of the question of how Howard felt made both of them embarrassed. Eventually, the Indian took pity on his friend and answered the question for him. 'We were both really drunk.'

'But-'

'Just leave it, okay?' Raj sighed and poked at his food.

Seeing the look on the man's face made Howard feel guilty. It was his fault that he was putting his friend through this. And no matter what he thought, the truth was, he was kind of stringing him along. He was giving Raj the impression that he did have feelings for him and eventually would acknowledge them. Who knows, that might be the case. But what if it wasn't? What if Howard suddenly felt that it was a one time thing and told Raj to back off? How would that make him feel? How would that effect his decision to stay by Howard and the baby? How would it effect the baby, having parents who weren't together?

If he was going to keep the baby. Howard still wasn't sure, but he was leaning towards keeping it. After he'd bonded with it on Saturday, he couldn't really imagine himself just giving it up. But then again, he couldn't really imagine himself bringing up a child, either.

It was all happening so quickly. On Thursday, he'd be exactly two months into the pregnancy. He should start showing around three months. He had around a month left, and then he was going to have to start answering questions that would no doubt arise.

Leonard had obligingly dropped the subject of Howard and Raj's rocky friendship, and instead turned to the other question Howard had no idea to answer. 'So, are you going to keep it?'

'I don't know that either,' Howard covered his face with his hand, feeling frustrated beyond belief. 'I'm just so completely lost here. I wasn't prepared at all. I mean, how could I be? I'm a guy, for God's sake. This shouldn't be happening to me. How am I supposed to decide whether I want to keep it or not?'

When he looked up, he saw sympathy on Raj and Leonard's faces, but Sheldon looked completely uninterested in this display of emotion. Leonard once again tried to change the subject, hoping he wouldn't ask another upsetting question. 'Well, whether you keep it or not, you still get to name it. Have you thought about baby names?'

'Didn't think about it once,' something about picking baby names appealed to him, and he allowed it to cheer him up a bit. 'What d'you reckon, Raj? Got any names in mind?'

'Not really,' the larger man played around with his food, looking thoughtful. 'Knowing my parents, they'd want an Indian name.'

'Your parents know?' Howard's eyes widened. Shouldn't Raj have at least told him that his parents knew?

'What?' Raj blinked. 'No, I haven't told them. But I'm going to have to at some point,' he poked his food again, 'and when I do, they'll want an Indian name.'

'Oh,' Howard rested his chin on his hand, satisfied with the answer. His thoughts went back to names. 'What if it's a Indian middle name and a normal first name?'

'What are you saying, Indian names aren't normal?' Raj pretended to be offended, raising his eyebrows.

'You know what I meant,' Howard rolled his eyes.

'Well then, yeah, that sounds great,' Raj shrugged. 'What is it's last name going to be?'

'Wolowitz, I guess, considering we're not married,' Howard dropped eye contact and looked at the table. He cleared his throat and shifted the subject away from thoughts of marriage. 'Maybe we should decide on names when we find out the sex.'

'That's around sixteen to twenty weeks, right?' Raj asked, and Howard nodded in response, surprised the other man had known that.

'So, you're gunna help name the baby? Even though you're not the one carrying it?' Leonard asked Raj. It sounded kind of mean, but the bespectacled man didn't realize. His mother had this kind of philosophy that if women should have to carry the baby, they should at least get to name it. Growing up with that knowledge, he was surprised that Raj wanted a say.

'I want to be involved,' the Indian said quietly, and this brought a smile to Howard's lips. 'Besides, he'd probably name it something stupid if I wasn't helping with the naming, anyway.'

'What?' Howard's mouth dropped open. He knew the other man was teasing, and he decided to play along. 'I would not! And what about you? You'd probably try to name it Beyonce! Even if it was a boy!'

'There is nothing wrong with the name Beyonce!' Raj exclaimed, causing Howard to chuckle.

That Saturday, two months and two days after the conception, Howard finally got over his irrational fear of Raj sleeping over. He'd agreed to it as long as the other guys were there, and he found himself mucking around on his laptop at Leonard and Sheldon's as he waited for the Indian to finally arrive. Leonard was teaching Penny the basics of a new game he'd bought her, and Sheldon was watching Doctor Who with his headphones in.

The group hadn't exactly adjusted to the fact one of their members was pregnant, but they were all fine with it and after a while they'd finally stopped asking questions and stealing glances at his belly when they thought he wasn't looking. Penny had even congratulated Raj very loudly on his father-to-be status, which had caused the man to squeak and refuse to talk for at least an hour. Howard didn't really care, but was kind of annoyed that she hadn't congratulated him as well. Its not like he wanted it, but she could have at least acknowledged him, after all he _was _the one carrying the baby.

The baby.

He would be lying if he said he still hated it. A part of him still resented the situation, but not the baby. Laying a hand on his stomach, he began to breath deeply, feeling his heart beat slow and calmness steal over him. His mother had taught him that calming technique a while ago when he'd been completely stressed out, and he found that it helped him feel closer to the baby as well.

He noticed the immediate change when Raj walked through the door. His heart beat became erratic and all feelings of calm vanished. He felt sweaty and kind of nauseous and dizzy at the same time. Knowing he was overreacting, he chalked it down to hormones and tried to act normal. 'About time you got here,' he told his friend as he sat down beside him on the couch, between Howard and Sheldon. 'We should have started this little gaming session hours ago.'

'You're over exaggerating,' Raj rolled his eyes and pulled his laptop from it's carrier bag, opening it up. 'I'm only half and hour late. Traffic is a nightmare out there.'

'Well then,' Howard grinned. 'Let's get this party started.'

Xoxoxo

At around six in the morning, Howard awoke from a fitful sleep, overcome with the urge to eat some beef jerky. He sat up from his position on the floor where he'd previously been sprawled out, next to Leonard. Sheldon and Penny had gone to their own beds a while ago, and Raj was asleep on the couch, lying on his stomach. His hand was dangling over to side, quite close to where Howard's head had been. He wondered if Raj had stroked his hair or something while he'd been asleep.

He knew there was no beef jerky in the apartment, so he stretched and grabbed his wallet, flattening his hair down with one hand. Figuring he'd only be gone for a few minutes, he didn't bother waking the others to tell them he was going to the gas station down the street. He slipped his phone into a hidden pocket on the inside of his jacket, and quietly stole out of the apartment, and then out of the apartment complex.

The morning air was frigid and his cheeks began to flush already from the cold. He shoved his hands in his pockets and made his way down the deserted street, lost in his own thoughts. It was only when another man stepped out from an alley to stand in front of Howard did he finally come back down to earth.

The man looked roughly thirty and it didn't look like he'd washed at all in the past year. His thick arms were crossed over his chest, and he used his superior height to tower over Howard. 'Gimmie yer wallet, nerd.'

At first, Howard was so distracted by the gravelly voice the man possessed that the words didn't even register in his mind. When they did, however, his hand immediately went to shield the pocket that held his wallet. 'No way! Back off.'

Normally he'd just give the wallet over and be done with it, but not only did it hold pictures of himself and Raj and even one of the baby, it also held the official papers he needed for when he went on maternity leave. Somehow he didn't think this man would let him retrieve those before he handed over the wallet.

'You asked for it,' the man growled.

In one swift motion, he stepped forward, uncrossed his arms and shoved Howard's shoulders as hard as he could. And considering his size, it was pretty damn hard. Howard stumbled backwards and landed on his side on the cold pavement. Deciding it wasn't worth the trouble, he quickly retrieved his wallet and threw it at the man. 'There! Take it!'

But apparently it wasn't enough, because the man took another step forward and kicked Howard as hard as he could in the stomach. Through the blinding pain that brought tears to his eyes, he felt a trickle of fear for the baby. The man got in another hard kick before Howard drew himself into the foetal position and held his stomach protectively. 'I hope ya learned some respect, ya nerd,' the man snarled. He picked up the fallen wallet and disappeared back down the alley.

Howard lay there for ages, holding his stomach and shaking from a mixture of cold, pain and fear. His only thoughts were of the baby. '_I've lost it, oh God, what if I've lost it?_' kept repeating through his head. Eventually he was able to move again and he pushed himself on all fours, and then maneuvered his way to his feet using a telephone pole as support. Despite the stabbing pains ripping through his belly, he managed to stumble back into the apartment complex and into Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. Raj was already up and making coffee, and when he turned to see Howard, his face paled considerably.

'What happened?'

He strode over to his friend and helped support him, trying to bring him over to the couch to sit down, but by this point Howard was hysterical, refusing to move and trembling and crying. 'I've lost the baby, I lost it,' he moaned. Despite the fact he technically didn't know for sure, he was certain of the fact. There was no way it could have survived that beating.

'Oh my God,' Raj wrapped an arm around his waist and forced him to start moving, this time out of the apartment and down the stairs. 'We're going to Mrs Dare.'

He got Howard settled into his car. During the ride, the engineer leant his head against the window, shaking uncontrollably and trying to stifle his tears. He knew now what he'd been denying all along- he loved the baby more than anything. It was a part of him and a part of Raj, and that made it perfect in his eyes. The terror and pain of the possibility of losing it was too much. He didn't know how he'd recover if he did.

The doctors office was closed, so Raj took Howard's phone off him and called Mrs Dare, demanding she come straight away. Howard was quiet now, not crying or shaking, just staring out the window with a blank look, one hand on his stomach. Once Raj had hung up and realized there was nothing else to do but wait, he began to crumble himself, burying his face in his hands and rocking back and forth. Neither of them remembered how it happened, but at some point during the wait they began to hold hands, both clinging to this tiny bit of contact and comfort.

'This is my fault,' Howard whispered. 'I wished it.'

'Don't ever say that,' Raj squeezed his hand rather hard, but neither of them noticed. 'Howard, how did it happen?'

'Some guy stole my wallet. Kicked me in the stomach a couple of times,' the attack replayed itself in his mind and he began to tremble again. 'I never even got to feel it kick.'

'You don't know that it's gone,' Raj said firmly. He'd forced himself to be calm, even though all he wanted to do was fall apart. He reached over and pulled Howard into a hug, despite how he was awkwardly twisted over the gear box. 'You don't know for sure.'

'I feel like it's gone,' Howard whispered into his shoulder.

'Maybe you're just in shock,' Raj suggested hopefully.

'Maybe.'

All there was left to do was wait.

Xoxoxo

**Cliff hanger!**

**I am SO sorry for the wait, guys. I lost all motivation and got a huge writers block, yadda yadda. I know its no excuse. I also kind of moved away from the Big Bang Theory fandom and into the Phineas and Ferb one.**

**I may update really slowly with this, but rest assured it will NOT be an abandoned story! I've enlisted my friend's help to plan the rest of the story and hopefully it should be finished... eventually. I am working on other stories for Phineas and Ferb, so my time is really divided.**

**I want to thank all the people who've reviewed despite me not updating this in so long. That was the main thing that motivated me to pick up this story again.**

**I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Reviews would be greatly appreciated!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Welcome back! There's a treat for you in this chapter to make up for the horrible cliffhanger last chapter. I'm such a meanie.**

**God, you have no idea how confusing keeping the dates is. I have to know the date for each scene in each chapter so I know when certain things will happen (for example, when Howard starts showing) and it gets so frustrating. I ended up drawing a little time line and I still get confused. I also try to mention the date every now and again to keep the readers from getting confused. Maybe I should just put the date at the end of the authors note for each chapter? Yeah, I think I'll just do that. Right-o, here we go.**

**Date: _6__th__ May (week nine of pregnancy) _**

Xoxoxo

'The baby's fine.'

Howard was curled up on Leonard and Sheldon's couch, careful that he only took up two cushions and wasn't in Sheldon's spot. His stomach still ached but he hardly noticed. He was still trying to process the fact that the baby, _his _baby, was still alive. It wasn't even hurt. He was a little embarrassed at how he'd acted. He'd scared the shit out of Raj, rambling about losing the baby when he hadn't even known for sure. Howard still could have sworn he'd felt the baby slip away from him. But maybe he'd just been imagining it. He had been hysterical with fear and pain, after all.

After a very long wait, Mrs Dare had finally confirmed the baby's health, and then she'd called the police so they could report the attack. They had carefully avoided mentioning the pregnancy when the officer had taken their statements, and then Raj had driven him back to Leonard and Sheldon's apartment. Raj had called them both to let them know where they were while they had been waiting, and had just delivered the news of the baby's health. Penny, who'd been secretly listening from Leonard's bedroom so Raj didn't know she was there (and therefore could talk in front of everyone), burst out into the living room, moved Howard so he was in a sitting position and hugged him tightly.

'Oh, thank goodness,' she patted his hand as she moved back. 'We were so worried.'

Howard blinked at her. It was the first time he could remember that she'd hugged him, and it felt a little weird. Normally he'd be hitting on her in an instant, but the fact she was Leonard's girlfriend, the fact that he was pregnant, and the fact he was sort-of-not-really involved with Raj stopped him. Maybe that's why she'd done it. She knew he wouldn't get creepy. 'Uh, thanks.'

'So you're okay?' Sheldon asked, watching him closely.

'Sore but fine,' Howard shrugged

'I'm glad,' Penny smiled, before turning to her boyfriend. 'Listen, Leonard, my car broke down again. Can I get a lift to work?'

'Sure,' Leonard pulled on his jacket and grabbed his car keys.

'I'm coming, too!' Sheldon grabbed his shoulder bag. 'I want to go to the comic book store.'

'Fine,' Leonard rolled his eyes before turning to Howard and Raj. 'I'm guessing you guys would rather stay here. Will you two be okay?'

Both Howard and Raj nodded, and once the others had left, Raj knelt down in front of Howard. 'Are you alright?'

'I feel so stupid,' Howard admitted, wrapping his arms around his middle and staring down at the floor. Raj stood and sat beside him as he continued talking. 'I mean, the baby wasn't even hurt, and I was bloody crying my eyes out and scared you-'

'Hey,' Raj cut him off, frowning. 'Look, it's okay. I don't blame you. You were in shock.'

His words didn't do anything to take away the shame, but Howard didn't want to get a lecture so he didn't argue. Instead, he tried to change the subject and focus on the decision he'd made once he'd found out the baby was fine. 'I'm keeping it.'

'What?' Raj looked confused, staring at him.

'I'm keeping the baby.'

'Oh,' Raj's eyes widened, and he scratched his neck, not knowing what to say. 'What made you decide that?'

It was a stupid question, as the answer was rather obvious, and Howard glared at him for a moment. The Indian looked sheepish but he still waited, expecting an answer. Finally, Howard sighed. 'I love the baby, Raj. It's a part of me. It's a part of you. I thought I lost it and it tore me up inside. I can't stand the thought of losing it again.'

Saying the words made it all come back to him in such vivid detail. Even though he knew he was still pregnant, he could still feel the raw panic, the pain, the loss from before. He was still in shock. Howard tried to fight the feelings down as Raj began to speak.

'You know, they say a woman becomes a mother when she finds out she's pregnant. You're not a woman, but it still applies. They say a man becomes a father when he sees his child the first time,' he sighed and looked down at his hands. 'I'm still uneasy about this whole thing. I don't know how to feel about this child. But I want you to know that I have every intention of supporting you and the baby. I'm going to be in it's life. I'm going to be it's father... If that's okay with you.'

Here he looked at Howard questioningly. The smaller man was feeling a whirlwind of emotions from that little speech. He was still remembering the pain and loss, and now he also felt an aching in his chest at what Raj had said, and relief at knowing he wasn't going to raise the baby alone. Overcome with a need for physical contact, and admiration and affection for his best friend, Howard shot forward and kissed him roughly.

He wasn't thinking clearly, he knew that. He was still in shock and he was still confused about everything and he knew this was a big mistake. But at that moment, he didn't care. He threw himself at Raj, kissing hungrily, demanding entrance to the other's mouth and, when it was granted, smashed his way inside.

He didn't really remember much of the night they had slept together, but once he slid his tongue into Raj's mouth, it sparked the memory of his taste from that night. It was rich and intoxicating and only made him want more. He pushed forward and managed to climb onto Raj's lap, straddling him, and this action caused his face to be slightly above the other's man's. It was odd to lean down to kiss. Most people Howard kissed were taller than him and he'd never been in this position before- one that made it so he was slightly above them. But it also gave him a measure of control and he liked that.

Raj's hands came up to settle on his waist, and his own hands were cupping Raj's cheeks. His hold wasn't very gentle but neither noticed, too caught up in the storm of desire and need. Both of them were trying to use the kiss to distract them from the terror of earlier that day. It was only when the larger man groaned into the kiss did Howard regain control of himself and pull away, sliding off Raj's lap to sit beside him.

They were both breathing heavily, and Raj was looking at him with such dark eyes that Howard covered his own. He felt so stupid. Not only did he scare his best friend, but then he had to go and spur him on with a kiss, making him think that Howard had sorted out his feelings when in reality he was more confused than ever. 'Oh, God, Raj,' he choked out. 'I shouldn't have- that was- I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen.'

'It's okay,' Raj's voice was quiet. 'I know you're still unsure about everything.'

'Let's just,' Howard closed his eyes. 'Let's just forget this ever happened. Okay?'

Raj didn't say anything, and when Howard looked at him, he saw the astrophysicist looked hurt and sad. Guilt hit him hard, and he stood up, holding his aching stomach. 'I should go, Ma wanted me home by midday.'

He grabbed his bag and headed for the door. 'Howard-' Raj stood up too, but Howard was already out the door, hurrying down the steps and holding a hand to his mouth. He'd royally screwed things up this time, and just when he thought things couldn't get any worse.

One week had passed. Howard had spent that week devoting his time to work (although he admittedly didn't have much that week) and avoiding Raj. He knew it was unfair, and he knew it was cruel, but he just couldn't face the man. Everything was too raw, too overwhelming. He felt if he tried to unravel his complex feelings, they would consume him entirely. He knew he was scared, and that he was being a coward. But with everything else going on, he couldn't find the energy to care.

He had gotten another set of official papers off of Mrs Dare two days ago, and they were safely in his room. He wasn't taking any more chances with those. The pictures he'd lost when his wallet had been stolen were easily replaced. He kept copies on his hard drive, even the pictures of the baby. It was no hardship to get them re-printed and put them into his new wallet. He'd been hesitant at putting the picture of himself and Raj in there, but in the end he'd shoved it in and tried to forget about it. It's not like they weren't friends or anything. They just... weren't talking at that time.

Being separated from him best friend did take a toll on him. Everyone had noticed, even Sheldon. On Wednesday, the insect-like man had wandered into the engineering department and gave him some speech about how they were friends and that Sheldon would always be there for him, despite the fact Howard was in the middle of repairing a machine and was busy. The words had obviously been memorized, and Howard wouldn't have been surprised if the man had looked up advice on how to deal with upset friends online. At the end of the speech, Sheldon had patted Howard on the shoulder awkwardly, muttering, 'There, there.'

Howard had held up the blowtorch he'd been using threateningly and scowled, snarling, 'Touch me again, I dare you.'

So maybe it wasn't the best way to deal with his socially inept friend, but he had been tired, hungry, sore and missing his best friend like crazy. And it sure had been satisfying watching Sheldon scramble out of the room like the hounds of hell were chasing him.

Standing outside Leonard and Sheldon's apartment door, Howard sighed. It was Sunday again and despite him avoiding Raj, Leonard had managed to see him several times over the week and yesterday he'd requested Howard drop off a game he'd borrowed. He hadn't wanted to come, his head was pounding with a headache and his back was sore, but Leonard had been insistent.

He turned the door handle and let himself in after knocking. Leonard was playing xbox on the couch and Sheldon was in the kitchen making tea. 'Hey, guys, what's up?' Howard asked, setting the borrowed game down on the table beside the couch and watching Leonard play Grand Theft Auto.

'Not much, thanks by the way,' Leonard didn't look up from the game. 'Hey, you want a go after I finish this mission?'

'Sure-' the words he'd been about to speak died in his throat when the door opened again and Raj came in. And damn, did he look mad. He was glaring at Howard like the Jew had killed his parents and he closed the door behind him non too gently. 'W-What are you doing here?'

'It's about time you showed up,' it was very rare that the larger man got angry, but when he did it was explosive. His face was set in a sneer and his words were snarled. 'I had to wait at Penny's for over an hour in awkward silence before you got your sorry ass here.'

'How'd you know I'd be here?' even as he asked the question, he realized the answer. It was rather obvious, really. The last time he'd avoided Raj, Leonard had purposely set them up so they could talk. Obviously he'd done the same thing again. 'Wait, it doesn't matter. Why are you here?'

'I want to know why you've been avoiding me,' Raj had his hands on his hips. Howard was standing close to the couch, arms wrapped around his stomach instinctively in a protective gesture. Sheldon was watching silently from the kitchen and Leonard had put down his controller, looking at them apprehensively and ignoring the loud noises coming from the game he'd abandoned. Howard really wished he'd paused it, because the sounds were making his headache worse and he started to feel as if someone was squeezing his head, increasing the pressure with each passing second.

'I haven't been avoiding you,' Howard muttered, refusing to meet his best friend's eyes. All four of them knew it was a lie, and Raj snorted in laughter, although there was no mirth.

'I haven't seen you at all this week,' he pointed out. His foot was tapping against the ground and the sound was seriously getting on Howard's nerves for no reason.

'I've been busy,' again his voice was small, timid. He knew he was in the wrong and wasn't putting much effort into defending himself.

'I checked in with one of your buddies from the engineering department, you've had hardly any work all week,' Raj smashed Howard's lie into bits, crossing his arms over his chest. The fact that Raj had been checking up on him made the pregnant man angry enough to put more energy into the argument.

'I have so!'

'No, you haven't!'

'Stop being so clingy!' Howard burst out, arms tightening briefly around his still flat stomach before letting go to hang at his sides. 'I don't belong to you!'

'No, but that child in your belly kind of does!' Raj hissed, taking a step forward. Howard felt an irrational flash of fear at the action before immediately feeling guilty over it. Had he really thought the man was going to hurt him? He may be angry but he's still just a bunny. Blaming it on his hormones, he forced himself not to take a step back.

Leonard had covered his mouth, but Howard still heard the muttered, 'burn!' and the word made him angrier. Before he could say anything, a loud piercing noise erupted and made his head throb hard. He turned and looked at Sheldon, who had put ice in his blender and turned it on, his go to way of drowning out an argument.

'SHELDON, TURN IT OFF!' Howard yelled, but the man paid no attention to him. Growling, the pregnant man turned back to Raj, having to raise his voice to be heard. 'YOU CAN'T OWN ANOTHER HUMAN BEING! THIS BABY DOESN'T BELONG TO YOU!'

'LOOK,' Raj shouted after shooting a glare at Sheldon. 'I KNOW YOU'RE CONFUSED ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS RIGHT NOW, BUT THERE'S NO REASON TO AVOID ME-'

Howard felt a burst of rage and clenched his fists, and this time he wasn't only shouting just to be heard over the noise of the blender. 'I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU, FOR FUCKS SAKE! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!'

And even as he shouted it, even as he watched the hurt expression find its way onto Raj's face, he suddenly realized he was lying. Well, sort of. Through the pain, anger, rage and fear he was feeling, and the rapidly mounting pressure in his head, he became sure of one thing. He had feelings for Raj. It wasn't love, not yet, but his feelings were romantic and intense, and becoming aware of them hurt, because in order to do so he had to hurt Raj, and he felt bad.

But the pain, anger, rage and fear were clouding his mind, just as the hormones and the headache were. Even though part of him wanted to let himself be gathered up in Raj's arms, another part of himself wanted to push the man away. His emotions got the better of him and he listened to the second part of him, continuing with his (sort of) lies, and wishing they were true. 'I'M JUST LEADING YOU ON! I MAY HAVE LIKED YOU, BUT NOW YOU'RE JUST GETTING ON MY NERVES! I DON'T LOVE YOU, I NEVER DID LOVE YOU AND I _NEVER WILL_!'

The blender's noise faded to the background. There was a strange ringing in Howard's ears, he felt sick and dizzy, and little black spots danced along his vision. Past the little dots he could see the pain in Raj's expression, Leonard's wide eyes and open mouth, and Sheldon's closed eyes with his hands over his ears. He stumbled, one hand reaching out to grope for the couch behind him, but he missed and ended up landing hard on his arse on the floor. There was a cry of 'Howard!' from somewhere to his left. He could no longer tell who's voice it was. Strong hands gripped his shoulders before he could slump over into a lying position.

Then his eyes slid shut and everything ceased to exist.

When he woke, he became aware of two things. First, the headache was still pounding away in his head, and second, something wet was being pressed against his forehead. His eyes opened and he saw he was lying on the couch with Penny leaning over him, dabbing a damp cloth along his face. Her expression was worried, but it brightened into a smile when she saw him looking at her. 'You gave us yet another scare. You really need to stop that.'

Feeling a little weirded out by her being so nice, he fought into a sitting position with the help of Penny. It made his head spin, but he continued anyway. Once done, he pressed a hand to his temple and waited for the spinning to stop. After a few moments it did, and he began to remember the events leading up to his faint. The fight. Oh lord, what had he done? He'd pushed away the person he had such intense and overwhelming feelings for, before he even got a chance to tell him. He'd pushed away the father to his child. His best friend. His lover.

He glanced around the room but Raj was no where to be seen, and neither was Leonard or Sheldon. But as soon as he realized this fact, Sheldon came into the apartment and went straight into the kitchen, putting away the blender rather calmly. 'Where is he?' Howard croaked out, finding his mouth and throat rather dry.

'Who, Raj?' Penny asked. 'He ran out after Leonard caught you. Leonard came and got me while Sheldon went after him, and then Leonard followed once we set you up on the couch.'

Howard looked up at Sheldon, who was finishing his earlier attempt to make tea before the fight had started. 'Where is he?' he repeated.

'Oh, he left,' Sheldon told him seriously, pouring boiling hot water into his mug.

'Left _where_?' Howard snarled, in no mood to drag the information out of his friend.

'Back to India, of course,' Sheldon raised his eyebrows at Howard before turning to grab milk out of the fridge.

'What?' Howard swallowed thickly, trying to calm the sudden flare of fear. 'Are you sure?'

'Really, Howard, must you ask?' Sheldon sighed. 'The man told me himself.'

'Howard-' Penny began, but the pregnant man was already up. He was still dizzy and lightheaded but he made his way to the door and out, taking the stairs two at a time. This couldn't be happening to him. Raj had left him. Raj, who had promised to stay with him and support him, had gone. He'd driven him away. It was all his fault. It was all his fault.

'Howard!' Leonard, who had been climbing up the stairs, was startled when he saw his short friend appear above him. The man didn't stop however, and continued, out of sight by the time Leonard turned around to shout to him again. Resigned, the bespectacled man made his way back into his apartment and shut the door behind him.

'Is it true, Leonard?' Penny asked as soon as he entered, coming up to him and taking his hand. 'Did Raj really leave for India?'

'Yeah,' Leonard rubbed his forehead tiredly. 'He said he needed to get away. Poor guy. Howard really had a fit at him.'

'But that's not fair,' Penny frowned. 'Howard can't be blamed too much, he _is_ pregnant and hormonal after all. Plus, Raj promised to be there for the baby. How is he going to do that all the way from India?'

'What are you talking about?' Leonard blinked.

'What are _you _talking about?' Penny replied, confused.

'Raj isn't _staying _in India,' Leonard told her. 'He said he'd go there for a few weeks to let this all blow over before coming back.'

'What!' Penny took a moment to absorb this information before turning on Sheldon with a furious expression. 'WHY DID YOU NOT TELL HOWARD IT WAS JUST FOR A VISIT?'

Sheldon winced at her tone, shrinking away from the enraged woman. 'I didn't know!'

'He's right, he didn't know,' Leonard placed a hand on her shoulder. 'When we caught up to Raj, he told us he was leaving for India and Sheldon started to upset him further so I sent him away before Raj could explain it was only for a visit.'

'Howard thinks he's moved there permanently,' Penny sighed, pulling out her phone. 'I have to call him and tell him.'

She dialed his number and pressed her phone to her ear. After a few moments she took it away again. 'He won't answer.'

'Uh-oh,' Leonard frowned. 'I have a bad feeling about this.'

Xoxoxo

**I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.**

**For several things. First, for the mean cliffhanger last chapter. Second, for the sort of cliffhanger this chapter. Third, for how overly dramatic this whole thing is. I hope it's not too much. **

**Also, this is extremely short compared to last chapter, but because of the little Howard/Raj action and the fact this was uploaded pretty quickly, I'm sure you guys can survive.**

**The next chapter is pretty much planned out as well, so it should hopefully be up in maybe a week or two. But don't hold me to that. **

**Next chapter will be pretty important in the romance part of the story, and also HOWARD STARTS SHOWING IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! Been looking forward to that since I started this! And we also find out what Raj's parents think of the situation!**

**I'm giving too much away. Shutting up now!**

**Don't forget to review! Even short ones pick up my mood enough to make me write faster! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Welcome back! Just a quick note, not sure if SIM cards are a N.Z. thing or global, but either or, lets just pretend its global. **

**And who can spot the Glee reference in this chapter? XD**

**Date: _13__th__ June (week fourteen of pregnancy)_**

Xoxoxo

Howard had gone to extreme measures to block off all contact with everyone but his mother. He'd bought a new SIM card for his phone so he wouldn't have to read the sympathetic texts or listen to the phone calls. He'd taken a week off work and told his mother in no uncertain terms that he wasn't to be disturbed. He didn't want her letting in any of his friends, or giving the phone to him if they tried to call the land line. That first week had been hectic. Someone called at least twice a day for him and several times someone tried to visit, only to be turned away by his mother. She told them he'd gone to some fancy research facility where a hotshot doctor wanted to take a look at his pregnancy case and wasn't sure when he'd be back. They seemed to buy the story because after a few days the calls and visitors died out.

Once his week was up, Howard had tiptoed around work, telling his fellow engineers not to let anyone know he was back and parking in a different spot in the hopes Leonard and Sheldon wouldn't see his Vespa. He went to a bakery down the street for lunch and didn't hang around the university once he'd finished work. Apparently his friends had visited the engineering department a couple of times but had given up by the time he got back, so it was easy to avoid them. He had then enlisted the help of his engineering buddies to lie to Leonard and Sheldon if they asked if Howard was back.

He spent his time on work and moping around in a deep depression. Losing Raj was one of the worst things that could ever happen to him in his opinion, and it was only made worse by the fact he was carrying the man's child.

It had been a month. A month filled with quiet despair and dread. He didn't want the baby to be born, he wasn't ready for it. He'd never be ready for it without Raj. He had another ultrasound booked for the 25th of June, in just under two weeks, to find out the sex of the baby. He didn't want to go without Raj. He wanted to hate the baby, to put all the blame on the little life inside him, but he just couldn't. He knew it was his fault and no one else's. Every now and again he'd log into Skype appearing offline and watch Raj's name to see if he would come online. It never did. Everytime that happened, he'd sink into an even more depressed state than before.

Just under two weeks ago, he'd tugged on his favourite pair of tight yellow jeans and had struggled to zip them up. He'd been horrified to realize that he had the slightest of bumps, and everything had become so much worse. How was he supposed to deal with his growing body and the questions it would bring, without Raj? How was he supposed to do _anything _without Raj?

Now, on a quiet Wednesday afternoon, fourteen weeks since the conception, he was lying down on the couch watching a kids show on tv. The bright colours and nasal voices weren't very exciting, but it made him wonder if this would be the kind of show his child would like to watch. At any rate, he'd have to get used to kids shows because he'd be watching them quite often once the baby was born. With a sigh, he rested his hand on the small bump just visible under his tight sweater and jeans (despite his moping he'd still managed to take care of himself and dressed just as he would have for work). It had grown since he'd first noticed it, and now he could feel it and see it when he wore tight clothes, which was pretty much all he owned. He was planning to go out and buy some baggy clothes but he'd never really gotten around to it.

'I've really stuffed things up this time, haven't I, kid?' Howard sighed, his fingers pressing gently into his stomach and imagining the baby could understand his words. These days his only solace was talking to the baby. It calmed him and gave him a little bit of happiness. 'I miss your daddy so much, and it's worse knowing the reason he left is because of the things I said. I wish I could take it all back.'

He pressed his lips together to hold back another dreary sigh and switched the television off. His mother had gone out to play bingo and wouldn't be back for some time. It was up to him to cook dinner. He pushed himself up and into the kitchen, already planning what to make.

Raj stood outside the familiar door, staring at the hard wood. It had been a month. One month of moping and, yes, crying. With his sister telling him to get the hell over it and his mother telling him to get his ass back to Pasadena to be with the baby. Telling his parents hadn't been easy, and he remembered the feeling of anxious dread as he sat them down and explained the situation. His mother had been incredulous, as had his father, and it had taken some time to convince them. In the end he'd had to pay for a long distance call to Mrs Dare for her to confirm the news. Once they'd believed him, his mother had been ecstatic. She'd always wanted grandchildren and now she was finally going to get one. Neither of them cared very much about Raj's sexuality, although they were both a bit wary of the fact the mother was in fact a man. In the end, though, they got over it.

Raj had told them about the fight he'd had with Howard and his sister hadn't been very sympathetic. She was constantly punching his arm and telling him to buck up. His mother was a bit more loving, but her message was pretty much the same. They all wanted him to go back to Pasadena, to go back to Howard. She understood that it was hard because of the things Howard had said, but she also told him that she'd said some extremely nasty things to his father when she'd been pregnant and in the long run she hadn't meant them. She had told him to keep at it and maybe Howard would come around. She'd also informed him that she, his father and Priya would be flying out to Pasadena for when the baby was born. He didn't know how Howard would react to that news.

He stayed there for a few weeks and had returned to Pasadena on the Friday night. He'd used the weekend to recover from the long flight and get over his jet lag. On the Monday he'd planned to find Howard during work and talk to him, but he'd run into a guy from the engineering department who told him Howard wasn't at work that day. Tuesday and Wednesday provided the same results. Leonard and Sheldon had told him that the pregnant man was convinced that Raj had moved to India permanently and had refused to talk to anyone since then. They'd both tried to contact him but had gotten no where.

Raj had felt a tremendous amount of guilt when he found that out.

His patience wore thin on the Wednesday, and after work he'd decided to just go for it. He'd driven to Howard's house, despite Leonard telling him that Howard was at some kind of clinic, and had made his way to the door. He'd called up Mrs Dare beforehand and she'd told him that she'd heard no word of any kind of clinic visit, so he knew the short man was lying and was probably just at home and lazing around. Throat tight with nerves, not knowing what kind of reception he'd get, he raised his hand and knocked.

The knock on the door brought Howard out of the daydream he'd been having as he'd put some chicken on to cook. With a sigh he looked out the window but from the angle he couldn't see who it was. Although today he'd been feeling a lot happier than usual, he still wasn't up for seeing Leonard or Sheldon or Penny. Without his mother there to tell them to get lost, he decided to just ignore it, returning to his daydream.

The knocking persisted. He realized too late that the light in the kitchen would signal to whoever it was that there was at least one person home. There was no way he could turn it off and pretend no one was home now. With a frown, he moved towards the door, hovering behind it and debating whether to answer it. Eventually he shouted, 'Go away!'

There was a brief pause, and then the knocking started again, louder than ever. Feeling a surge of annoyance, Howard unlocked the door and yanked it open, snarling, 'I don't want to see anyone right now!'

It took him a moment to realize the person standing at the door was Raj. When he did, it only took him a few seconds to fling himself forward and wrap his arms tightly around the other man, who stumbled back a few steps before hugging back just as tight. Despite himself, Howard felt tears sting his eyes and he buried his face in Raj's neck. 'I thought you left,' he managed to mutter after a moment, his voice muffled and broken sounding.

'I did,' one of Raj's hands was holding the back of his head and the other was on the small of his back, rubbing small, soothing circles as Howard struggled not to cry in shock and relief. 'Leonard and Sheldon told me you thought I left for good. I didn't, it was just a visit. I needed to get away for a while.'

'What?' Howard drew back enough to look up at the taller man, and through the shock and the relief and tears he managed to notice Raj had grown even taller over the month spent in India. 'Why didn't you call me? Skype me? I thought I'd never see you again.'

Raj's mouth curved downwards in a frown, the hand on the back of Howard's head dropping down to rest beside his other on the small of the man's back. 'I didn't think you'd want to talk to me. I did go on Skype a couple of times appearing offline, but you were never online.'

'I was appearing offline too,' Howard's mouth twitched slightly in what would have been a smile if they were in a different situation. Another wave of relief and joy hit him and he pressed his face back against the dark skinned neck, tightening his hold. 'Don't you ever leave again.'

'I won't, I'm sorry,' Raj maneuvered them inside without breaking the tight hug, closing the door behind him before steering Howard into the living room and onto the couch. 'I'm not leaving you again.' After a while Howard had sill refused to let go and the position they were sitting in started to get awkward so the pregnant man lifted his feet onto the couch and moved so he was practically cuddling the other man. It felt so good to be in his presence again, to be in his arms and enjoying his warmth.

Eventually though, his mind butted in, reminding him of the fight and he sighed, speaking into Raj's neck. 'I'm sorry for what I said. I was angry and in a lot of pain and wasn't thinking clearly. That's not exactly an excuse, but all the same, you should know.'

'It's alright,' Raj's free hand came up to stroke Howard's black hair gently, tangling in the locks and messing them up. 'Things have been a lot harder on you than they have on me. I deserve a little pain right now, to make up for it.'

'No, you don't,' Howard pulled back to look up at him, wearing a disapproving frown. 'You didn't deserve anything that I said. Through out this whole thing you've been supportive and caring, and I've been a royal dick.'

'You have an excuse,' Raj shrugged, his hand dropping to press against Howard's stomach. His eyes widened upon contact and he looked down. 'There's a bump. You have a bump.'

'Huh?' Howard glanced down at his stomach as well, not at all excited about it as the other man was. 'Oh, yeah, that showed up about a week or so ago.'

Raj yanked the sweater up so the skin of the smaller man's stomach was revealed, and the engineer let out an embarrassingly high pitched squeak at the movement. Raj's hand rested on the now bared stomach, curving over the bump. 'You have a bump,' he repeated stupidly, as if he were still trying to get used to the idea.

A sort of half smile twisted Howard's lips as he watched the other man's face. 'Yes,' he said slowly, almost mockingly. 'I have a bump. Because I'm pregnant. That's what happens.'

Howard had developed an aversion to people touching his stomach. Raj had touched it once or twice, and that had been okay back then, but eventually he'd stopped liking it. Penny had asked to a couple of times and he'd always refused. If Raj hadn't been the father, and if he hadn't missed the man so much, he would have slapped the hand away. As it was, he wasn't very relaxed with the hand on his belly. Sighing, he used the lull in the conversation and Raj's distraction to try and sort out his feelings. He'd spent weeks imagining what he'd say to the man if he'd ever got a chance, and now that he had it, he found it was hard to say anything.

Now that he knew how he felt about his best friend, he found that he'd much rather just kiss him rather than have to explain his feelings. But Raj would probably think Howard was just leading him on again, and he deserved an explanation. It was hard to open his mouth, but he gathered the courage and his thoughts and tried to say things delicately. 'Listen, Raj,' he waited until the other man looked up from his stomach before he continued. 'What I said before, during the fight, it was... well it wasn't true. Or at least, it wasn't entirely true. I think. I'm not sure, really.'

He let out a mirthless laugh and pushed at his hair, embarrassed at how horribly his thoughts were translating to words as Raj watched silently. 'I do have feelings for you. They're scary and intense and I have no fucking idea how they got there, but they're there. I don't think its love, so I guess I wasn't lying when I said I didn't love you but there's a possibility it could end up that way so I was lying when I said I never will and-'

He was immensely relieved when Raj shut him up with a kiss. His embarrassing rambling stopped immediately as he pushed himself into a better position to return the favour, pouring all of the sorrow he'd felt the past month into the kiss, along with his relief and joy. It wasn't as wild, desperate and needy as their last one, this time is was soft and gentle, a getting to know you kind of kiss.

It was almost lazy, the way they explored each other's mouths. Howard's heart wasn't racing and he wasn't sweaty, he was calm and happy, and continued to feel that way even as he leaned away and broke the contact. He opened his eyes, meeting Raj's. The taller man's were heavy lidded and intense, and it was too much to keep the eye contact, so Howard glanced down and moved so they were cuddling again.

One of the astrophysicist's hands dropped down to rest on the bump, under his sweater, and it made the pregnant man tense slightly. It seemed, though, that touching his stomach was a habit that Raj was getting into and maybe he'd just have to deal with it. It wasn't like he would do anything to make Howard or the baby feel pain. A pleasant silence followed, and eventually he relaxed into the embrace despite his misgivings about the gentle hand over the baby.

Abruptly, Raj spoke. 'I told my parents.'

'I figured,' Howard closed his eyes and inhaled the other's scent, moving closer. A whole month apart had left him craving contact. 'How'd they take it?'

'They didn't believe me at first,' Raj's hand began a slow massage on his belly and the movement caused him to tense again. He breathed out through gritted teeth, forcing his muscles to relax. Hating people touching his stomach was definitely something he had to get over. 'Eventually, though, I convinced them, and they're okay with everything. I think they're just glad they're finally getting grandbabies.'

'Grandbaby,' Howard corrected automatically, before smiling into Raj's neck. 'Your family is kinda predictable.'

'They're your family too, now,' Raj murmured into his hair, fingers drawing little patterns on his skin. It felt kind of nice. The words embarrassed Howard a little, and he was glad the other man couldn't see how he flushed.

'I guess so,' he let out a content sigh. 'Although that means my mother is your family too.'

'Greeeat,' Raj groaned. 'She creeps the hell out of me.'

'She creeps the hell out of everyone,' Howard snickered, before his face became serious again. 'I guess I should stop avoiding everyone, huh?'

'Probably,' Raj pressed a soft kiss into Howard's hair. 'If you'd just talked to them in the first place they would have told you I was just going for a visit.'

'Would have saved myself a lot of pain,' the man grumbled. 'You have no idea how scared I was, thinking I'd have to raise the kid on my own.'

'You won't ever have to raise it on your own,' Raj said firmly. 'I'm not leaving again. You're stuck with me.'

Howard leaned back so he could look up at him, and he was grinning. 'I think I can handle that,' he muttered, before kissing him again.

When Howard rolled out of bed and glanced at the calendar hanging on his wall, he felt a jolt of excitement. The date, Monday the 25th of June, was circled in bright red marker. It was time for him to find out the baby's sex. Originally he'd dreaded the day, but that was only because he'd been utterly depressed about Raj being in India and he hadn't wanted to go alone. Now he was excited beyond belief. As much as he'd been wary about the whole pregnancy, he was starting to come to terms with it and already loved his unborn child dearly. Raj had agreed to come along to the ultrasound and he couldn't be happier.

Neither of them had bothered to make it official by asking each other out, but it was blatantly obvious they were a couple. And with a baby on the way, neither of them saw the point of making it official. The baby kind of did that for them. The only person who knew about it was Howard's mother, who'd walked in on them cuddling on the couch. She had been supportive but had lectured Raj on using protection and caused the Indian a great deal of embarrassment.

Both men had taken the day off work and Howard had around fifteen minutes to get ready before Raj showed up to drive them to the ultrasound. He went through his morning routine absently, his mind focusing on what was about to come. Learning the gender of the baby would be the spark that ignited the baby wildfire. They'd held off on thinking up names and buying any baby clothes or baby related things because they didn't know the sex, but today that all changed. Today they'd finally have no reason to hold off. It was scary and exciting at the same time.

The happiness he was feeling came to a screeching halt when he tried to pull on his favourite pair of jeans. When he'd first noticed the baby bump, it had made it hard to zip the jeans up. Now the bump had grown to the point where he couldn't even button them, let alone zip them up. He wasn't big enough for other people to notice he was pregnant, no way, but the shock and dismay at finding his favourite jeans no longer fit had him sitting on his bed with his head in his hands.

'Howard, are you up? Your mom let me in-' Raj opened the door and stopped talking when he caught sight of the engineer sitting on the bed. 'Hey, are you okay?'

'I'm fat.'

'What?' Raj blinked, clearly confused.

'My jeans don't fit me,' Howard gestured downwards to the yellow jeans which were on, but unbuttoned and unzipped. 'I'm fat.'

Raj let out a snort of laughter and walked over to Howard's dresser, pulling out a slightly bigger pair of dark grey jeans and throwing them at the other man. 'You're not fat, you're pregnant, there's a difference. Hurry up and get dressed, we're supposed to be at the clinic soon.'

Howard grumbled under his breath, yanking off the yellow jeans and pulling on the grey as Raj left the bedroom. After choosing an red and black striped shirt with a black dickey under it, he gave his hair a quick brush and wandered out into the kitchen, where his mother had already put out some cereal for his breakfast. Raj was sitting opposite the bowl and gave him a quick smile as he sat down before going back to the crossword he was working on.

'We should probably start thinking about baby names after the appointment,' Howard said after a few mouthfuls.

'Probably,' Raj lifted his pencil and nibbled on the end of it, making eye contact as Howard continued to eat. 'What happens if we can't agree on a name?'

'Then I get to choose,' Howard said firmly. 'If I have to get fat because of this, the least you can do is let me name the bloody thing.'

A small grin was Raj's only reply before he went back to the crossword.

'I need new things as well,' Howard continued, staring into the milky depths of his bowl. 'Baby things, vitamins... new clothes for when I explode.'

The last word was spoken darkly, and the man shot a glare down at his stomach. As much as he loved the baby, he hated the fact it would change his normally scrawny body into a beach ball. He was a man, after all. He didn't want to walk around with a huge stomach and normal sized arms and legs.

'Hey,' Raj's voice was full of amusement and drew Howard's eye. The man's mouth was still curved in a grin. 'I'm loaded, remember? And my parents are giving me all I want because they finally get a grandchild. We don't have to worry about money.'

'Are you sure?' Howard frowned, putting down his spoon. 'I mean, it'll be a lot of-'

'It's my kid too, remember?' Raj cut in. 'Of course I'm sure.'

Howard grunted and looked back down at his bowl. 'We should go.'

'Aren't you going to finish that?' Raj asked, leaning forward to look at the still half full bowl.

'I'm not hungry anymore,' Howard stood from his chair. It wasn't a lie. Normally, thanks to the pregnancy, he ate as much as he could get his hands on. But he was slowly getting more and more nervous about the appointment, along with the excitement, and so he'd lost his appetite. While he was looking forward to finding out the baby's gender, he was anxious about what would come next. He saw it as kind of a turning point in the pregnancy. For the last few months he'd had the comfort of knowing the birth was still a while away and he wouldn't have to get ready for it just yet. But after the appointment, he no longer had that luxury.

All of a sudden, the birth seemed so damn close, and he felt overwhelmed by the preparations he'd have to sort out. Would he move in with Raj? Would Raj move in with him? Would he have a nursery for the baby to sleep in, or would he want it close to him at night? How much baby clothing would he have to get? What brand of diapers were the best? All of it was daunting and scary for him. At the very least, he had his mother and her experience with him to guide him, and he had Raj to lean on for support.

'Alright,' Raj stood with him and moved to the door, holding it open. 'Come on, then.'

As Howard passed him, the man gripped his wrist to keep him from moving away, and Howard turned so he was looking up at him. 'Are you okay?'

'Sure,' the shorter man shrugged. 'Just nervous, I guess.'

'That makes two of us,' Raj smiled. He leaned down and kissed him gently, just long enough to distract Howard from his worries and pulling away before it got too heated. 'Let's go.'

The car ride there was not particularly life changing. Howard had been a bundle of nerves and Raj had been just as nervous on the inside, but outwardly radiated calm to soothe his partner. It seemed the ride took hours and at the same time, only minutes.

Eventually Howard was finally laying down on the examination table with Mrs Dare, Raj and Dr Gracen, the technician from last time. Raj had cursed under his breath when he caught sight of her, and he was sticking close to Howard's head, so he could whisper in the man's ear if need be. Dr Gracen rubbed the cool gel on Howard's exposed stomach (who had flinched and tensed the whole time), and then brought the transducer down on top.

A moment later and the screen flickered to life, showing his baby. It was a lot larger than last time, and this time it kind of actually looked like a baby, rather than just kind of a blob. He scanned the picture, analyzing intensely, but for the life of him he couldn't figure out if it was a girl or a boy. He had no idea how Dr Gracen would be able to tell.

'Wow,' the woman said after a moment. 'It's still so weird seeing a baby in a _man's _stomach.'

'Some professionals are saying it will become a much more common occurrence,' Mrs Dare said mildly, watching the screen. Their idle chit chat was driving Howard insane. Couldn't they just hurry up and tell him what the gender was?

'For real?' Dr Gracen asked. 'Like, to the point any gay couple can have a kid?'

'Not that common,' Mrs Dare chuckled. 'But certainly not as rare as it is now. There was another case reported a week ago. A young man went to his doctor complaining with the symptoms and it turned out he was pregnant, just like you, Howard. That makes four of you, now.'

'Not that this isn't interesting and all,' Howard let out an annoyed sigh. 'But we did come here for a specific purpose.'

'Oh,' Dr Gracen had the decency to blush and look guilty. 'Right, sorry. Checking now.'

There was a moments pause and in those brief seconds it seemed his whole existence was gathering itself in anticipation, hanging on the woman's every move, every breath, waiting for the expected words to come out of her mouth. Raj's hand squeezed his tightly, and he felt like his whole body was being squeezed, just waiting.

It was agonizing. It was hell.

'It's a boy.'

Xoxoxo

**I was so severely tempted to end the chapter BEFORE I told you the gender of the baby. But that's just too cruel. I'm not that mean. (Okay, the actual reason I didn't is because I couldn't find a natural stopping point before they announced it. Hehe.)**

**So I was thinking about punnet squares in Biology the other day, and started thinking, what if the baby got two Y chromosomes from having two male parents? What would that even result in? **

**So my overactive imagination came up with a solution that is just so unrealistic, but HEY, you guys are reading an MPreg, I'm allowed to be unrealistic. Anyway, for some reason (mutation, evolution, I don't know) Howard gained a uterus and other necessary things woman need for having babies, right? So I figure, why not gain an extra X chromosome, meaning he had XYX? But that's not all, folks! The Y becomes redundant so he can only pass on one of the two X's. Therefore the baby can't gain two Y's and end up some kind of mutated freak.**

**Yeah, obviously I'm not that good at biology. I'm sorry you had to read that. I'm completely insane.**

**ANYWAY... Review? Please? **


	6. Chapter 6

**Another chapter! **

**So, I was re-watching the season 5 finale and it only JUST clicked that when Bernadette says, "I love that man" about Howard, Raj responds "me too". THERE WE GO, GUYS. LOVE CONFESSION, RIGHT THERE.**

**I don't care if you all think it's just a friendship love, I know deep down its not :( **

**This chapter shows a little bit of Raj's thoughts and feelings. Enjoy!**

**Anyway... Back to the story. **

**Date: _25__th__ June (week sixteen of pregnancy) _**

Xoxoxo

Howard could not remember ever being this happy. It was like he was riding on a wave of joy and excitement, held far above all the worries that had plagued him earlier. Raj was the same. They were both wearing silly grins as they entered the clothes shop and looked around. It had only been about half an hour since they'd found out the sex of their child, and ever since they'd both been chipper and jumpy. Howard had received another picture of the baby, and surprisingly enough, the number of one of the other men who was pregnant. Apparently the other three men were all aware there were others out there in the same situation, and the most recent case had decided he'd like to get in touch with the others, if they wanted to. His number had been given to the men's doctors, to be passed on if the men wanted them. All Howard knew about this man was that he was about four weeks along. He was a little hesitant, but had nothing against meeting another man who would relate to what he was going through. Raj was great support, but he really had no idea sometimes.

After they'd left the clinic, Raj had immediately suggested going on a shopping spree to celebrate, and that it'd be his treat. Howard had agreed and they'd made their way to the mall. First thing was first- Howard needed some new clothes. They could see the very slight bump through his tight shirt and jeans. It wasn't obviously a pregnancy bump, but it made the man self-conscious all the same.

Howard was going to miss his tight jeans but they just wouldn't work once he got bigger. In the shop, he rifled through piles of jeans, trying to find ones he liked that were suitably loose. He was still extremely happy and excited, and it was hard for him to concentrate on the clothes. His hand kept straying down to press against his stomach gently. A boy. He was having a boy.

He would have been fine with a girl, but honestly he was relieved it wasn't. He knew nothing about children, and even less about female children. It just seemed better that he was having a boy. At least then he'd be comfortable bathing it, and he wouldn't have to sit through excruciatingly painful mermaid shows. Or fairy shows. Or unicorns. Or anything overly girly. He wouldn't mind watching boy's shows, though. Trucks and fighting and mysteries. That seemed much better than a stupid unicorn.

Raj touched his elbow and he turned, eyes widening at the enormous pile of clothes the Indian was holding. 'Here,' he said, shoving the pile into Howard's arms. 'Go try these on.'

'You got all day?' Howard quipped, but he was grinning as he made his way to the dressing rooms and entered one, shutting the door behind him. It was about the size of a closet, well lit with a full length mirror on the wall and a shelf and hook to rest the clothes. He put his pile down and started to strip, watching himself in the mirror.

The bump, which just looked like he'd eaten a few too many take outs, was far more obvious without his dickey and shirt on. His fingers trailed over the pale skin, and he smiled softly before rifling through the pile of clothes for something he liked to try on.

He pulled out a black long sleeved button up shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans. Re-donning his black dickey, he pulled on the shirt and jeans. The jeans fit snugly around his hips and were comfortable, not pressing down on his bump. Satisfied, he turned to look at his reflection.

He looked dressed up, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing. The bump was easily hidden and he looked like any normal guy in his twenties. Certainly not a man almost... Howard counted the weeks in his head. Almost five months pregnant. He felt a niggling worry in the back of his mind after he'd figured out the dates. He was already so far along. The next thing he'd know he'd be holding a baby boy, suddenly responsible for another human life. It was terrifying. He pushed these thoughts away. It wouldn't be for at least another four months, he should enjoy the present as it was.

Letting himself calm down and breathe, the smile returned to his face and he exited the changing room, where Raj was casually sitting on a bench right outside, waiting for him. He glanced up when Howard approached and smiled, looking him up and down. 'Very nice, do a turn?' the pregnant man obliged, although a little embarrassed, turning full circle. 'You look great. We'll definitely get those.'

Cheeks now uncomfortably warm, Howard fled to the changing room to undress and try something else on. Sure, he and Raj had been together for like, what, nearly two weeks? But he was still completely unused to being with a guy, and he was really not used to receiving compliments, especially now that his self-confidence had gone out the window because of his inability to fit his favourite jeans.

Half an hour later and he and Raj were leaving the store, laden with bags full of new clothes. Howard had changed after they'd bought them and now he was wearing a pair of blue jeans and a white shirt, bump comfortably hidden. They dropped the bags off in Raj's car before returning back to the mall, this time heading towards the baby department. Neither of them had ventured into this part of the mall before, and they were both a little hesitant. Howard finally decided to just bite the bullet and enter a store, looking around.

The store was clearly divided into three sections; girls, boys and unisex. They steered clear of the girls section completely and Howard went over to the unisex section while Raj wandered into the boys.

He wasn't really looking for anything specific, just running a hand over some clothes, when his eyes landed on a crib, already set up and resting on top of the box it came in. There were identical boxes surrounding it. Howard moved closer for a better look. It was made of wood, a very deep and rich mahogany, with a small cream coloured mattress. It was very simple and yet very beautiful. Howard touched the smooth wood, trying to imagine his child sleeping in the cot, peaceful and content.

'You want this?' Raj's voice sounded in his ear. Howard didn't even flinch, he was so used to Raj leaning over at random times and talking close to his ear. The pregnant man glanced over at the Indian and gave a smile.

'Sure, it's nice.'

'Alright, I'll grab it when we go up to pay for everything,' Raj took his hand and dragged him over to the boys section. 'Come look for some clothes with me.'

Howard gulped and glanced around, very aware that they were holding hands in public. No one seemed to be paying attention to them, but he slid his hand away as soon as he could without hurting Raj's feelings. He liked him and all, but he wasn't exactly ready to do things like that in public. Especially in a baby store.

They were standing in front of rows and rows of clothing for boys ranging between the ages of newborn to toddler. They were looking through them when Raj let out a chuckle and held up a tiny blue t-shirt with the Superman logo on the front. 'We are so getting this.'

'Let's see if we can find Batman,' Howard challenged, grinning.

They spent a good fifteen minutes picking out clothing for the baby, before Howard went to the register as Raj went back to grab one of the boxes containing the crib they'd seen. The larger man placed the box on the counter with a grunt and the lady serving them smiled brightly. 'Shopping for your girlfriends...?'

'Uhm,' Howard glanced over at Raj, who gave a tiny shrug. 'Just my girlfriend, actually. He's just helping me out.'

'That's sweet,' the lady smiled even more, scanning their items and placing them in bags. 'Your girlfriend must be so grateful to have you doing all the hard work.'

'Yeah...' Howard mumbled. He wasn't exactly comfortable lying to this woman, especially in front of Raj, but he wasn't about to go and tell her he was the one pregnant. He wanted to lay low as long as possible before this thing got out to the media.

'Have a nice day, and congratulations!' the woman said as Howard grabbed the bags and Raj lifted the box. They both smiled and nodded at her before leaving.

They made it back to Howard's place just before Rebecca arrived home, who no doubt would have scolded them if they'd arrived after her. They showed her the newest picture of the baby, making her guess at the gender before they actually told her. She'd smiled when she figured it out and hugged both of them, making Raj extremely uncomfortable.

They both went up to Howard's room and Raj sent an email containing the latest news and the latest picture of the baby to his parents, who had demanded updates. While he was doing that, Howard sent off texts to Sheldon, Leonard and Penny asking if they wanted to come over and hang out. He mentioned there would be a surprise to motivate them, and they all agreed readily enough.

Leonard must have driven them, because they all arrived at the same time. Penny, Raj and Howard all sat on the bed whilst Leonard and Sheldon got some chairs from outside to sit on. Howard pulled out the baby photo with a grin and handed it around. "So, can you guess the baby's gender, yet?"

"Wait, you found out the gender?" Penny asked. "That's awesome! What is it?"

"I could probably figure it out in about fifteen minutes," Sheldon mused. "If you let me."

"No, Sheldon," Leonard rolled his eyes at his roommate before accepting the photo off Penny and studying it. "Wow, it's a lot bigger than last time. So are you going to tell us the gender or not?"

"Alright," Howard grinned. He paused for dramatic effect and Penny punched his shoulder, hissing at him to get on with it. Laughing, he told them, "it's a boy!"

"Congratulations!" Penny and Leonard cried at the same time. Sheldon, who'd only just gotten the photo off Leonard, studied it closely and then shrugged without comment.

"We've just been out shopping for clothes and stuff like that," Howard leaned back and grinned. "Haven't we?"

Raj looked startled at being put on the spot, and he leaned over to whisper in Howard's ear. Penny, who'd been holding her oversized purse in her lap, rolled her eyes and pulled out a beer. "I thought we might have this problem. Here you go, Raj. Drink up."

Raj smiled gratefully at her and took the beer, taking a few gulps and then wiping his mouth. "That's better. And yeah, we found some pretty cool stuff."

"You know what? We should go out drinking to celebrate!" Penny squealed. No one else seemed excited about her idea, and when she looked at Raj, he jerked his head towards Howard. "...Oh. Right. Forgot about the whole no drinking while you're pregnant thing. Sorry, Howard."

The man in question let out a sigh, his happy mood slightly diminished. He was a party animal by nature. He loved to go out to clubs and try and pick up woman. Even when he had no luck, he still loved just chilling with Raj at the bars and drinking until he couldn't remember his own name. He seriously missed drinking. So far he'd been able to put it out of his mind, what with all the baby drama going on lately, but at Penny's mention of it, he felt kinda down about it. Even seeing Raj holding a beer depressed him. "It's okay," he said to the woman after a few moments. "Getting drunk is what led to this whole thing in the first place, so I think I can deal with no alcohol for a few more months."

"Well, how about none of us drink in front of you?" Sheldon suggested, surprising everyone. "Obviously I myself never drink unless I'm tricked into it," here he glared at Penny, "but my mother always told me that when she was pregnant with my sister and I, my father agreed not to drink in front of her so she wouldn't miss it as much. Apparently that was one of the only considerate things he ever did for her."

"Sounds good," Howard grinned, knowing it would be a huge challenge to Penny, who was one step away from being an alcoholic.

"Uhm," Raj started.

"No, its okay," Howard looked at him. "If you need it to talk, I'm fine with that."

Raj smiled, but he put down his beer all the same.

"Well, I still feel bad for bringing it up," Penny sighed. "If there's anything you need, Howard, just ask, okay?"

"Well, actually Penny..."

"Nothing like that," the woman cut him off firmly, eyes narrowed.

"I wasn't meaning anything like that," Howard laughed. "I need your help with something to do with the baby."

Raj wasn't very happy with Howard's suggestion, but he decided to go along with it all the same. It was fair enough that the man wanted to go to pregnancy classes, and it made sense that he took Penny so they could pretend she was the one pregnant, so as not to arouse suspicion. But it still kind of pissed Raj off. He was the father, after all. Well, the other father. Shouldn't he be able to go, too? It seemed kind of unfair that he was getting cut off from all of this. Howard wasn't the only one about to become a parent. He wasn't the only one seriously freaking out about this.

Outwardly, Raj tried to act in control and collected. He tried to act like someone Howard could rely on, could lean on for support. Inwardly, Raj wasn't really sure how he felt. He knew he loved the man with every part of him, but the idea of having a baby with him was daunting. Sure, going shopping for baby stuff had been fun, but a part of him still felt like it was all just a dream and he'd wake up and none of it would have happened. Sometimes he wished he would wake up. He was in no way ready for a baby, despite what his parents wanted.

He'd planned on getting married first, at the very least. His plan had involved finding some nice deaf Indian girl, burying his feelings for Howard in the back of his mind, marrying the girl and then having kids in a few years. Sure, he probably would have been miserable, but at least everyone else would have been happy. And by then he should have been ready for kids.

He was still having trouble grasping the fact that in around five months he'd suddenly be responsible for another human being. It honestly terrified him. He couldn't even talk to women, how was he supposed to raise a child? He couldn't count the amount of nights he'd lain awake, wondering that same question. He knew Howard was having a worse time of it, he was giving up his body for this after all. But Raj felt like his feelings on the matter were being totally ignored. Everyone was so worried about if Howard was okay, if Howard was up to this. What about Raj?

With a long sigh, Raj rubbed his temples and tried to relax. He was just working himself up for no reason. He'd be fine, he just had to stop worrying about the future and just live in the now. He glanced at his watch. Howard should have been back half an hour ago.

After Howard had suggested the pregnancy classes, Penny had (reluctantly) agreed to go with him and pretend she was expecting. The very next day they had set off to attend one and Raj had agreed to meet Howard back at his house so he could hear how it went. When he'd arrived, Rebecca had let him in and chatted for a while, but she must have noticed how obviously uncomfortable Raj was, so she told him to just go up to Howard's room and wait there.

Half an hour later, and Raj was still waiting, lying on Howard's bed and fiddling with one of the man's miniature rockets. He was tempted to call his boyfriend (were they even boyfriends? Raj didn't know. They hadn't exactly talked about it. Nor had they done anything very couple-y since he'd gotten back from India) but he decided to just give it another ten minutes.

And it was ten minutes later exactly when Howard and Penny entered the room, Penny looking mildly amused and Howard wearing a huge grin. Raj tried not to let himself feel jealous. Sure, Howard used to have a thing for Penny, but who hadn't? The woman was gorgeous. But the man was pregnant now. There was no way he'd try and get it on with Penny, or with any woman for that matter. Hopefully.

"Hey," he sat up, putting the model rocket on the bedside table next to his open bottle of beer. He was glad he'd brought it, he hadn't known Penny would come over as well. He'd assumed she'd just drop Howard off and then head back to her own apartment. "How was it?"

"The classes were what you'd expect, I guess," Howard shrugged. His body language and his words didn't match up. His words indicated the classes had been unoriginal and boring, but he was seriously hyped up and looked excited. "You'll never guess what happened, though."

"What?" Raj asked. He found himself mirroring Penny's look of amusement. Howard's excited demeanor was kind of hilarious.

"The baby kicked!"

Raj blinked in surprise, but Penny only shook her head and sighed. "I don't know, Howard," she muttered. "I had my hand over your stomach for a full thirty minutes after you said it kicked, but I felt nothing. Maybe you just imagined it."

"I didn't imagine it," the man frowned. "It was like nothing I've ever felt before. Kind of like popcorn going off."

"Is that normal?" Raj asked, kind of worried. What if their baby came out as some kind of half-human, half-popcorn monster?

"I think so," the engineer shrugged. "I might go look it up later. But man, did it give me a heart attack."

"You started shouting in the middle of the class," Penny glared over at him, arms crossed over her breasts. "Everyone was staring at us."

"Sorry," Howard grinned. He didn't sound very apologetic. "But what did you expect? I just felt my own baby kick."

"I'm still not sure it actually happened."

"Non-believer," Howard scoffed. "I gotta go to the bathroom, hold up guys."

He jumped up off the bed and out of the room. Raj was left sitting awkwardly with Penny, who didn't seem to know what to say. "Have a good time?" he asked after a moment, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"It was alright, I guess," the woman shrugged. "It was weird pretending I'm pregnant, though."

Raj grunted in response. An uneasy silence settled over them and stayed there for a few minutes before Howard came bursting back into the room. "He did it again! He kicked!" despite the fact Raj knew the other man disliked his stomach being touched, Howard grabbed the Indian's hand and pressed it the the bare skin of his belly. "Here, feel."

Raj waited, wondering how long it would take. A whole minute ticked by with nothing happening, and the grin on Howard's face faded into an annoyed frown. "Seriously?" he directed the comment to his stomach. "You're just trying to make me look crazy, aren't you?"

"See what I mean?" Penny spoke up. "Maybe you just want it to happen so badly you keep thinking every tiny movement of your stomach is it. Maybe you just have gas or something."

"I'm not imagining it!" Howard groaned, sounding exasperated. He let go of Raj's wrist and the astrophysicist let his hand drop away from that curved belly.

Penny left soon after and the two men were left to their own devices. Howard seemed kind of put out and upset that the baby wasn't kicking for anyone else, so Raj suggested a little Grand Theft Auto to cheer him up. They soon lost track of time, however, and it was around half past eleven at night by the time they turned off the xbox and stretched. "I should be heading home," Raj sighed, glancing out the window. It was pitch black outside.

Howard hesitated, seemingly thinking about something, before he finally said after a moment, "no, you should stay here." At Raj's surprised look, he added, "I mean, just to sleep right? We don't have to do anything. I figured it was just better than sending you home in the middle of the night."

"Alright," Raj said slowly. He hadn't expected to be allowed to stay the night, alone, with Howard this soon. He could tell the other man was nervous, but as they got ready for bed, he seemed to relax after bursting into laughter at seeing they were wearing the same Batman boxers.

They both slid into the bed hesitantly, a little unsure at how they should be positioned. Sure, they'd slept together on the same bed before. The incident in the Arctic, for example, and even more recently the night they hooked up. But it was still a little awkward for both of them. Sighing, Raj just rolled over so his chest was pressed up against Howard's back, and he slung an arm over the man's waist, holding him closer. The engineer stiffened a little when Raj's hand settled over his rounded stomach, but eventually he relaxed and a few minutes later he was snoring gently.

Raj pressed his face into Howard's shoulder, closing his eyes. He'd never dreamed in a million years he'd get to be in this position. He knew if he wanted to he could wake Howard up, turn him over and kiss him senseless. He wouldn't, of course, because he knew the other man was still a bit jittery about having him sleep over and kissing him would make those nerves even worse, but it was still nice knowing he could. He'd assumed that he would either be alone the rest of his life, or end up with some woman he didn't love. And really, how could he love another woman when he already had Howard in his life?

He'd expected to be left on the sidelines when Howard eventually found a woman who would put up with his creepiness (Raj found it kind of endearing, women found it stalker-ish) and start a family with her. He'd expected to have to put up with being the best man at the wedding, and to have to pretend to be happy when inside his world was crumbling. He never thought he'd be able to get Howard.

His thoughts travelled to the life nestled safely under his palm. If it hadn't been for the baby, it wouldn't have happened. Sure, they still would have hooked up, but if Howard hadn't gotten pregnant, he wouldn't have allowed Raj back into his life so quickly. He wouldn't have given Raj a chance to prove that they were meant to be together.

He stroked his hand gently over the bump, feeling alien emotions bubbling up. Gratitude, affection and maybe the slightest shred of love. "Thank you," he murmured into Howard's shoulder. He meant it. The baby was the reason he had Howard. Maybe the little guy wasn't so bad.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, preparing to fall asleep, when he felt the slightest nudging against his palm. His breath caught in his throat, eyes flying open. Had it really...? Yes! There! He felt it again, against his palm. So Howard hadn't been imagining it after all. A smile spread over his face and he pulled Howard closer, pressing their bodies together. The man mumbled but otherwise did not wake up.

Raj no longer felt like everything was becoming too much. He still felt scared and unsure, but he was no longer terrified. He was no longer dreading the due date. He was finally accepting both the baby and what had happened.

The smile stayed on his lips even as he fell asleep. Everything would turn out fine, for the three of them.

Howard stepped into the night club, feeling the booming of the music in his bones with every step. He glanced around, feeling a little unsure. The room he was in was huge, there were strobe lights and coloured lights everywhere, and a bar tucked neatly into the corner. There was a DJ raised on a high platform at one end of the room, and many people were out on the dance floor, moving their bodies to a song Howard vaguely recognized, called 'Ever After'. He nervously pulled at his shirt, not sure if his bump was obvious or not.

"Stop fidgeting," Raj hissed in his ear. "No one is going to be staring at your stomach. Come on, lets get some drinks."

The man took Howard's hand and started leading him through the throngs of people towards the bar. The engineer was embarrassed at first, but after a while he realized no one was looking at him twice. And when he took a good look around, he realized that there were quite a few gay couples mixed in with the straight ones. He realized that the people here wouldn't give a damn if he were with a guy or a girl.

Starting to relax, he followed Raj obediently and they both stopped at the bar and waited for the bartender to come their way. He had been unsure about coming here, but after he'd spent the whole afternoon complaining about not being able to go clubbing, he couldn't exactly refuse. Raj had told him that he knew a place where no one drank alcohol. Apparently it had originally meant to be a night club for recovering alcoholics who still wanted to go out and have a good time, but not be tempted to drink anything. Eventually more and more people started going along, and after a while it had become a favourite place for anyone who liked to be different. Raj said there was hardly any prejudice at this club, and anyone who picked any fights would be thrown out straight away.

"Two cokes, thanks!" Raj called over the music at the bartender who had finally come over to serve them. He poured two glasses of the bubbling liquid and Raj handed over a few notes before picking up the drinks and leading Howard over to a table. The engineer was relieved to sit down and hide his stomach under the table.

"So?" Raj called, still having trouble being heard over the music. "What do you think?"

"It's different," Howard admitted, taking a few great gulps of his coke. "It's a little weird for me to be in a club after so long. Its been four months, but it feels like four years."

Howard had hit the four month mark the day beforehand. Raj had figured taking him out to a club would be a good way to celebrate, but the shorter man was having a hard time relaxing with so many people around him. He kept thinking something would give him away, that someone would realize he was pregnant. He knew it was silly, but the worry still gnawed away at the back of his mind as they finished their drinks.

The song changed. It was still by the same band, but the song was now called 'Celebrity Status'. Raj stood and held out his hand. "Dance with me."

"Raj, I don't know..." Howard started, but the other man took no notice and simply grabbed his wrist and pulled him out onto the dance floor. Howard didn't bother trying to protest, he knew Raj would never let him sit back down until he'd danced to at least one song.

The lights were blinking on and off at an incredibly fast rate, matching the tempo of the song. Howard had danced in clubs plenty of times, and he'd even danced with Raj once (briefly, back when Raj was still new the country and didn't really know how to dance properly, Howard had just done it to show him how) but it still felt kind of awkward and weird. Eventually, though, the good music and the fact no one was paying attention to them allowed him to relax and really get into the swing of things. Starting to get really into the moment, he began to sing along, not loud enough for anyone to hear.

_Sorry you, sorry me, sorry every in between_

_Sorry everybody he will never be somebody clean_...

It had been so long since he'd really just let go and enjoyed himself. His whole focus had been centered entirely on the baby. He'd never given himself some time to just have fun. By the end of the song he was laughing and offered no resistance when Raj pulled him close and kissed him, burying his hands in Howard's hair. The song changed again as they stood motionless, surrounded by crowds of people, only noticing each other.

_So here I am_

_You can take or leave me_

_But I won't ever be anywhere but here..._

By the time they parted, both of them were panting and Howard was having a hard time thinking properly. Despite not having touched alcohol since the conception, he felt drunk. Maybe the lights flashing, the pumping of the beat and the intense kiss were all too much for him. Either way, he found himself grinning madly as the song changed yet again, and this time the beat and tempo was more sexy and dark. He was pulled even closer to Raj, and their legs brushed. Raj's hands slid down to his hips and yanked, causing them to grind against each other.

_Truth or Dare, yes I double dare you _

_You, you, me, now I think you got it _

_One last breath and just spin the bottle now... _

Raj's breath was hot against Howard's ear, and he easily heard the whispered, "I love you," over the screaming music. One of his hands gripped Raj's wrist, continuing to grind even as his chest constricted.

All he could whisper back was, "I know," but it didn't seem like enough. Raj didn't mind, apparently, because he was only pulled into another bruising kiss. They went unnoticed by the rest of the dancers.

_Did you say please just follow me?_

_I thought you wanted me 'cause I can't stay with someone else_

_I try and suck it up, I just keep fucking up_

_I want you all to myself..._

Xoxoxo

**The songs mentioned were all by Mariana's Trench. "Ever After", "All To Myself", "Celebrity Status", "Stutter" and "Truth or Dare". It was kind of a tribute to my favourite Howard/Raj video, which was done to the song "All To Myself". Seriously, go check it out. It is amazing.**

**Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter as much as I liked writing it. Its seriously been fun! **

**Also, you can thank Ashlee for this update. I finally reached the best chapter in my Phineas and Ferb fic "Keeping Secrets", and I want to write it so badly. Unfortunately, Ashlee (who plans all my stories) hasn't finished the plan for the chapter yet. **

**She basically told me she won't give me the plan until I update my three other stories (this, "After Sex" and "Keeping Secrets") so thank her for the fast update. Otherwise this wouldn't have been out until... like... months. I'm so focused on other things right now xD**

**Reviews would be lovely!**


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